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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Jane\'s Oral Presentation 1

작성자: 류*선
2021-12-02 262

회원님의 영작문

1. My parents believe that art and music classes are essential subjects in the school curriculum. Students should be equipped with diverse classes to be better people in society. Also, they should be instilled with the value of beauty through various fields of education. Students have to be taught art and music so that they are able to produce a sense of creativity, new values, motivation, and inspiration when they become adults who are core workers and are involved in society. Thus, schools have to keep art and music classes in the school curriculum.
2. Education in art and music shouldn’t be only for affluent families. All students should be equally able to have access to those subjects from school. If we remove art and music classes at school, parents who can’t afford after-school classes will face the harsh reality and confrontation of their children’s education. Some may say it is an intangible investment for education. But it is deeply tangible in their spirit and soul.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

You have a beautiful topic, Jane! Finally, you are almost done with your English program. I am proud of you!-Faith-
1. My parents believe that art and music classes are essential subjects in the school curriculum. 
>> CORRECT
Students should be equipped with diverse classes to be better people in society. 
>> CORRECT
OR Students should be equipped with diverse subject matters to become responsible citizens in society.
Also, they should be instilled with the value of beauty through various fields of education. 
>> Also, the value of beauty through various fields of education should be instilled in them.
OR In addition, aesthetic appreciation through various fields of education should be instilled in them.
Students have to be taught art and music so that they are able to produce a sense of creativity, new values, motivation, and inspiration when they become adults who are core workers and are involved in society. 
>> Students have to be taught art and music to develop sense of creativity, new values, motivation, and inspiration when they become adults who are core workers and are members of society. 
Thus, schools have to keep art and music classes in the school curriculum.
>> CORRECT
OR These benefits should be enough reasons to retain such classes in the school curriculum.
2. Education in art and music shouldn’t be only for affluent families. 
>> CORRECT
OR Art and music education shouldn't only be the privilege of the upper class.
All students should be equally able to have access to those subjects from school. 
>> All students should be equally capable to access those subjects from school. 
If we remove art and music classes at school, parents who can’t afford after-school classes will face the harsh reality and confrontation of their children’s education. 
>> If we remove them from school, parents who can’t afford after-school classes will face the harsh reality and confrontation of their children’s education. 
Some may say it is an intangible investment for education. 
>> CORRECT
But it is deeply tangible in their spirit and soul.
>> CORRECT
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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
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