¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Believe God or not.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*Çù
2021-12-06 327

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I don't believe in God.
My parents believed in Buddhism, but I believe in myself.
No matter how much they are a parent,they can't force it.
There seem to be many people who are not religious in Korea.
Most of them are busy working for themselves and their families.
There seem to be a lot of realistic parts.
But i can understand those who believe in God.
They can find stability by finding God and praying for someone in mentally weak or difficult times.
Everyone should respect what they see and what others choose.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Evan:) 

Your last sentence is correct. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

-Teacher Elise

I don't believe in God.
>> CORRECT

My parents believed in Buddhism, but I believe in myself.
>> My parents believe in Buddhism, but I don't. 

No matter how much they are a parent,they can't force it.
>> Even if they are my parents, they still can't force me to believe in it. 

There seem to be many people who are not religious in Korea.
>> There seem to be many people who are not religious here in South Korea.

Most of them are busy working for themselves and their families.
>> CORRECT

There seem to be a lot of realistic parts.
>> CORRECT

But i can understand those who believe in God.
>> But I can understand those who believe in God.

They can find stability by finding God and praying for someone in mentally weak or difficult times.
>> They can find stability by finding God and praying for someone mentally through weak or difficult times.

Everyone should respect what they see and what others choose.
>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114908 How would you describe a very relaxing vacation? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 463
114907 Climate Change ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 249
114906 What memory in your life would you want to forget and why? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 0
114905 What are your leadership skills? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 313
114904 homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 964
114903 What are your good and bad habits? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 244
114902 Are you a morning person? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 205
114901 Homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 0
114900 What memory in your life would you want to forget and why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 1020
114899 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 279
114898 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 1
114897 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 564
114896 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 0
114895 Why can\'t we see stars in the morning? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 2
114894 In other countries, when someone gets old they often go to live... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 220
114893 eating ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 281
114892 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 1
114891 What are the possible causes for having a vice? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 1561
114890 Do you feel safe when you use public transportation? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 1
114889 When is the best time to give smartphones to our kids? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04