¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Believe God or not.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*Çù
2021-12-06 318

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I don't believe in God.
My parents believed in Buddhism, but I believe in myself.
No matter how much they are a parent,they can't force it.
There seem to be many people who are not religious in Korea.
Most of them are busy working for themselves and their families.
There seem to be a lot of realistic parts.
But i can understand those who believe in God.
They can find stability by finding God and praying for someone in mentally weak or difficult times.
Everyone should respect what they see and what others choose.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Evan:) 

Your last sentence is correct. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

-Teacher Elise

I don't believe in God.
>> CORRECT

My parents believed in Buddhism, but I believe in myself.
>> My parents believe in Buddhism, but I don't. 

No matter how much they are a parent,they can't force it.
>> Even if they are my parents, they still can't force me to believe in it. 

There seem to be many people who are not religious in Korea.
>> There seem to be many people who are not religious here in South Korea.

Most of them are busy working for themselves and their families.
>> CORRECT

There seem to be a lot of realistic parts.
>> CORRECT

But i can understand those who believe in God.
>> But I can understand those who believe in God.

They can find stability by finding God and praying for someone in mentally weak or difficult times.
>> They can find stability by finding God and praying for someone mentally through weak or difficult times.

Everyone should respect what they see and what others choose.
>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114751 Report-1 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 758
114750 Homework {12/15} Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 314
114749 Are you a competitive person? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 2
114748 What are the qualities of a good leader? A bad leader? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 292
114747 Next year resolution ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 254
114746 The educational system ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 3
114745 What do you eat when you feel sad? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 5008
114744 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 245
114743 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 0
114742 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 0
114741 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 293
114740 If you could go back to high school, would you change your major... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 317
114739 What do you usually do when or while riding a train or bus? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 215
114738 Do you always want to be in almost all parties? Why or why not? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 277
114737 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 217
114736 Hello. ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 4
114735 Why do you think people enjoy mountain climbing despite it being... ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 235
114734 12/14 ³ë*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 454
114733 12/13 ³ë*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 276
114732 Why was the microscope invented? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04