¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Believe God or not.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*Çù
2021-12-06 184

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I don't believe in God.
My parents believed in Buddhism, but I believe in myself.
No matter how much they are a parent,they can't force it.
There seem to be many people who are not religious in Korea.
Most of them are busy working for themselves and their families.
There seem to be a lot of realistic parts.
But i can understand those who believe in God.
They can find stability by finding God and praying for someone in mentally weak or difficult times.
Everyone should respect what they see and what others choose.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Evan:) 

Your last sentence is correct. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

-Teacher Elise

I don't believe in God.
>> CORRECT

My parents believed in Buddhism, but I believe in myself.
>> My parents believe in Buddhism, but I don't. 

No matter how much they are a parent,they can't force it.
>> Even if they are my parents, they still can't force me to believe in it. 

There seem to be many people who are not religious in Korea.
>> There seem to be many people who are not religious here in South Korea.

Most of them are busy working for themselves and their families.
>> CORRECT

There seem to be a lot of realistic parts.
>> CORRECT

But i can understand those who believe in God.
>> But I can understand those who believe in God.

They can find stability by finding God and praying for someone in mentally weak or difficult times.
>> They can find stability by finding God and praying for someone mentally through weak or difficult times.

Everyone should respect what they see and what others choose.
>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113250 I prefer desert ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 580
113249 Which is shorter your hair or your mom\'s hair? Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 238
113248 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 0
113247 Happy Birthday To my brother! ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 443
113246 Can you name three things that you like about your job? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 1
113245 In what ways are credit cards better than cash? Á¶*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 250
113244 Do you like travelling? Why? ¹®*À² ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 1002
113243 Homework from the lesson 10252021 Á¶*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 532
113242 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 306
113241 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 218
113240 What were the two last things that made you happy? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 2
113239 ¼÷Á¦ Á¤*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 244
113238 Is it good that professional sports are so commercial nowadays? ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 2
113237 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 0
113236 Sports. ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 1
113235 Friendship Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 304
113234 What culture in South Korea are you most proud of? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 202
113233 What was the most memorable food you tasted abroad? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 3
113232 What is your favorite website? What do you do on your favorite... ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 4
113231 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 322

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04