¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Believe God or not.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*Çù
2021-12-06 238

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I don't believe in God.
My parents believed in Buddhism, but I believe in myself.
No matter how much they are a parent,they can't force it.
There seem to be many people who are not religious in Korea.
Most of them are busy working for themselves and their families.
There seem to be a lot of realistic parts.
But i can understand those who believe in God.
They can find stability by finding God and praying for someone in mentally weak or difficult times.
Everyone should respect what they see and what others choose.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Evan:) 

Your last sentence is correct. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

-Teacher Elise

I don't believe in God.
>> CORRECT

My parents believed in Buddhism, but I believe in myself.
>> My parents believe in Buddhism, but I don't. 

No matter how much they are a parent,they can't force it.
>> Even if they are my parents, they still can't force me to believe in it. 

There seem to be many people who are not religious in Korea.
>> There seem to be many people who are not religious here in South Korea.

Most of them are busy working for themselves and their families.
>> CORRECT

There seem to be a lot of realistic parts.
>> CORRECT

But i can understand those who believe in God.
>> But I can understand those who believe in God.

They can find stability by finding God and praying for someone in mentally weak or difficult times.
>> They can find stability by finding God and praying for someone mentally through weak or difficult times.

Everyone should respect what they see and what others choose.
>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112992 ¼÷Á¦ Á¤*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-18 253
112991 HOMEWORK Àü*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-18 280
112990 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-18 459
112989 Busy ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-18 2
112988 The job I would like to have ten years from now ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-18 359
112987 What are some good table manners? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-18 1
112986 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-18 0
112985 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-18 285
112984 Homework {10/18} Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-10-18 370
112983 If you can change something in the culture in South Korea, what... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-18 238
112982 If you can change something in the culture in South Korea, what... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-18 0
112981 Do you like eating out in a restaurant? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-18 269
112980 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-18 369
112979 How do you see yourself 5 years from now? Share your thoughts in... Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-18 357
112978 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-18 432
112977 I want to change this in Korean culture. ¹Ú*Çù ¿Ï·á 2021-10-18 350
112976 What is your favorite room in your house? Why? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-18 1
112975 Dinosaurs ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-18 331
112974 Have you ever been in a difficult situation while traveling? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-18 0
112973 how to help friends ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-10-18 317

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04