¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you believe in God? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-12-06 639

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

As a result, I believe in God.
People made religions because they thought that someone may made this world.
But it is just one of the fixed minds because people's logics are limited.
They can't explain the creation of the world without the mind.
So they thought that somebody may made this world.
Before, I didn't knew about this fact so I just believed in God.
But I thought about my religion, and it caused the curiosity about my religion.
So sometimes, I doubted about my religion.
But now, I recognized that believing is more important than knowing the fact.
All what I have to do is just believe, and if I am having a hard time, depend on my trust.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Evan:) 

Yes, that's true. We just need to have faith and believe. 
Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

-Teacher Elise

As a result, I believe in God.
>> I believe in God. 

People made religions because they thought that someone may made this world.
>> People made religions because they thought that someone made this world.

But it is just one of the fixed minds because people's logics are limited.
>> But it's just the product of logics of people's minds. 

They can't explain the creation of the world without the mind.
>> They don't know the explanation whether how the world was created. 

So they thought that somebody may made this world.
>> So they thought that somebody may have made this world.

Before, I didn't knew about this fact so I just believed in God.
>> CORRECT

But I thought about my religion, and it caused the curiosity about my religion.
But I was thinking about my religion, and made me curious.

So sometimes, I doubted about my religion.
>> CORRECT

But now, I recognized that believing is more important than knowing the fact.
>> CORRECT

All what I have to do is just believe, and if I am having a hard time, depend on my trust.
>> All I have to do it just believe even if I have a hard time. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116603 I\\\'m doing my homework...^^ ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2022-02-20 610
116602 Do you think you eat a well-balanced diet? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 4
116601 My favorite movie ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 2
116600 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 439
116599 Is it better to be a boss or an employee? Why? ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 613
116598 Philip Morris Korea\'s new parental leave policy respects all... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 1
116597 I love my books. ±è*Å ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 1
116596 Writing Task(Feb 18th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 352
116595 Writing Task(Feb 17th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 616
116594 Writing Task(Feb 16th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 515
116593 Writing Task(Feb 14th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 527
116592 What do you think is the best invention ever and why? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 993
116591 Do you think that children these days have a better or worse... ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 1
116590 Hello! Ȳ*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 531
116589 2/18 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 1296
116588 32.33.34 ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 858
116587 I\'m going to school soon. ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 592
116586 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 1281
116585 HOMEWORK ¹è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 790
116584 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04