¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you believe in God? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-12-06 1004

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

As a result, I believe in God.
People made religions because they thought that someone may made this world.
But it is just one of the fixed minds because people's logics are limited.
They can't explain the creation of the world without the mind.
So they thought that somebody may made this world.
Before, I didn't knew about this fact so I just believed in God.
But I thought about my religion, and it caused the curiosity about my religion.
So sometimes, I doubted about my religion.
But now, I recognized that believing is more important than knowing the fact.
All what I have to do is just believe, and if I am having a hard time, depend on my trust.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Evan:) 

Yes, that's true. We just need to have faith and believe. 
Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

-Teacher Elise

As a result, I believe in God.
>> I believe in God. 

People made religions because they thought that someone may made this world.
>> People made religions because they thought that someone made this world.

But it is just one of the fixed minds because people's logics are limited.
>> But it's just the product of logics of people's minds. 

They can't explain the creation of the world without the mind.
>> They don't know the explanation whether how the world was created. 

So they thought that somebody may made this world.
>> So they thought that somebody may have made this world.

Before, I didn't knew about this fact so I just believed in God.
>> CORRECT

But I thought about my religion, and it caused the curiosity about my religion.
But I was thinking about my religion, and made me curious.

So sometimes, I doubted about my religion.
>> CORRECT

But now, I recognized that believing is more important than knowing the fact.
>> CORRECT

All what I have to do is just believe, and if I am having a hard time, depend on my trust.
>> All I have to do it just believe even if I have a hard time. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116522 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 2
116521 What are some things about the eating habits you want to change? ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 676
116520 HOMEWORK: What are your favorite foods? / What should we eat... ¼­*¾È ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 568
116519 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 1
116518 The advantages and disadvantages. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 3
116517 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 802
116516 yummy~ ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 8
116515 . ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 686
116514 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 589
116513 homework.7 ¾ç*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 1012
116512 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 842
116511 homework ½Å*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 0
116510 What is your opinion about Philip Moris Korea\'s new parental... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 3
116509 If you had a lot of money, what is the first thing you\'ll buy... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 1032
116508 What are the advantages and disadvantages of working from home? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 791
116507 homeowork ¹Ú*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 559
116506 How do you feel and what do you do after a long vacation? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-02-17 673
116505 Home work day1 ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 1
116504 Best way to stay fit and healthy is simply to lead a normal... Àå*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 1001
116503 What do you think about dutch treat? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04