¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Some people believe that teacher should be strict for students better learning and other people say

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*ÇÏ
2021-12-07 214

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Many of us believe that if teachers or parents are strict to children, it will be bright future for them. however, I don't fully agree it because we have easily seen people who have mental problem when they become adults due to strict discipline at school. My teacher frequently punished physically if students broke the school regulations. We thought that it was teacher's right and it was for students but some teacher did it as their habit or relieving their stress by beating students. It is also reported that if parents shouted at children rather than trying to explain what kind of mistake children commit, their kids don't want to be with parents and might be suffering against stress. I think all people know what the right way to discipline but even adults don't know how to control their mind, if they are high temper. However, parents and teachers must improve communication skills with students. If so, it would be helpful for their children.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Great day Mr. Hwang! ^^ Thanks for doing your essays! It's getting colder now so keep yourself warm! Take care!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Many of us believe that if teachers or parents are strict to children, it will be bright future for them.
>>> Many of us believe that if teachers or parents are strict to children, they will have a bright future.
 however, I don't fully agree it because we have easily seen people who have mental problem when they become adults due to strict discipline at school. 
>>>  However, I don't fully agree with it because we have easily seen people who have mental problems when they become adults due to strict discipline at school. 
My teacher frequently punished physically if students broke the school regulations.
>>> My teacher frequently punished students physically which broke the school regulations.
 We thought that it was teacher's right and it was for students but some teacher did it as their habit or relieving their stress by beating students.
>>>  We thought that it was the teacher's right and it was for students but some teacher did it as their habit or relieving their stress by beating students.
 It is also reported that if parents shouted at children rather than trying to explain what kind of mistake children commit, their kids don't want to be with parents and might be suffering against stress.
>>>  It is also reported that if parents shouted at their children rather than trying to explain what kind of mistake their children have committed, their kids don't want to be with their parents and might be suffering from getting stressed.
 I think all people know what the right way to discipline but even adults don't know how to control their mind, if they are high temper. 
>>>  I think all people know what the right way to discipline is but even adults don't know how to control their mind, if they are hot tempered. 
However, parents and teachers must improve communication skills with students.
>>> However, parents and teachers must improve their communication skills with the students.
 If so, it would be helpful for their children.
>>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114604 my homework ¹Ú*¸í ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 0
114603 Do you like meeting new people? Why is that? ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 876
114602 What do you consider in a restaurant when eating out? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 1
114601 What do you think is the worst collection that a person can... ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 1
114600 In south korea high school culture ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 262
114599 Especially be careful to language ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 291
114598 Spring:The Season of Life and hope ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 317
114597 breakfast ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 223
114596 Of course. I\'m worry about getting older. ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 0
114595 Animals~ ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 262
114594 Where in the world would you most like to go for your next... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 2
114593 Plastic is vital for us ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 218
114592 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 425
114591 How many hours do you sleep? ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 415
114590 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 727
114589 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 0
114588 homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 293
114587 Where do you want to travel next time? ¼º*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 200
114586 Do you think that TV makes people lazy? ¼Õ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 486
114585 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 385

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04