¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What would you like to change in the education system in South Korea and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*ÁÖ
2021-12-10 196

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

What would you like to change in the education system in South Korea and why?

The education system in our country has been changed when I went to school.
The purpose of education gets into college in the past.
Nowadays, educations are improved active class.
South Korea's education policies still go along with the college admission system.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Monica:) 

The students in South Korea are very competitive there's no doubt. Although, children have to undergo a lot of things to come this far. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

-Teacher Elise

The education system in our country has been changed when I went to school.
>> The education system in our country has been changed since I went to school.

The purpose of education gets into college in the past.
>> The purpose of education is to get kinds into college in the past.

Nowadays, educations are improved active class.
>> Nowadays, education is improve to make classes actively. 

South Korea's education policies still go along with the college admission system.
>>CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114360 Birth day is my special day. ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 766
114359 What is your favorite place in your city and why? Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 354
114358 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 176
114357 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 251
114356 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 537
114355 if i can change my personality ¹Ú*Çù ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 274
114354 break my day routine ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 1
114353 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 394
114352 How can you live a stress-free life? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 958
114351 The best present for my parents ¹Ú*Çù ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 316
114350 Omicron Virus Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 295
114349 Christmas:) ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 218
114348 What do you and your family usually do during Christmas? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 284
114347 Do you have healthy eating habits? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 3
114346 Correction RQ if any. ¼­*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 7
114345 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 283
114344 movie time! ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 337
114343 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 205
114342 Painting ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 277
114341 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 8

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04