¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Is obesity a disease?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ȯ
2021-12-12 930

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Yes, I think so. There was a TV program that helping people to lose weight. In that program some people made appearances for losing weight. Before making that program, the director had interviews of participants. In that interviews majority of participants told that having mental problems is the reason why they became obesity. While the director was shooting the TV program. The director made psychotherapy courses to help the participants. It was successful. After that program, many participants got new life.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Hwanny! :)
How's your day going so far? 
Thank you for writing an essay related to our essay question. I agree that obesity is a disease and can result to other different diseases such as mental problems and physical problems. 
Obese people could suffer from a range of different diseases such as heart problems, stroke, diabetes, liver problems, and hormonal problems to name a few. 
It is imperative to stay fit and healthy because this will help us prevent from acquiring different diseases. 
I hope you're doing great. 
See you in class later! :)
~Teacher Charry

Yes, I think so. 
>> CORRECT!
There was a TV program that helping people to lose weight. 
>> There was a TV program that was helping people to lose weight. 
In that program some people made appearances for losing weight. 
>> In that program some people made appearances to lose weight.
Before making that program, the director had interviews of participants. 
>> Before making that program, the director had interviews with the participants.
In that interviews majority of participants told that having mental problems is the reason why they became obesity. 
>> In those interviews, majority of the participants told him that having a mental problem is the reason why they became obese.
While the director was shooting the TV program. The director made psychotherapy courses to help the participants. 
>> While the director was shooting the TV program, the participants underwent psychotherapy courses to help them. 
It was successful.
>> CORRECT!
After that program, many participants got new life.
>> After that program, many participants got a new life.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115049 How are today¡¯s toys compared with those you played with as a... ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 2
115048 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 3
115047 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 3
115046 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 760
115045 Plastic bags should be banned. What do you think? ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 2
115044 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 122
115043 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 0
115042 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 2
115041 information technology is changing many aspects of our lives and... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 163
115040 Christmas ÃÖ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 148
115039 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 213
115038 What are you most grateful for this Christmas and why? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 0
115037 Christmas!! ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 2741
115036 Choose between these holidays and explain your choice: ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 201
115035 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 1
115034 homework À±*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 746
115033 homework À±*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 562
115032 Are banks the best place to keep your money in? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 184
115031 homework À±*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 416
115030 Older divorcees outnumber young ones À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04