¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Is obesity a disease?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*ȯ
2021-12-12 922

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Yes, I think so. There was a TV program that helping people to lose weight. In that program some people made appearances for losing weight. Before making that program, the director had interviews of participants. In that interviews majority of participants told that having mental problems is the reason why they became obesity. While the director was shooting the TV program. The director made psychotherapy courses to help the participants. It was successful. After that program, many participants got new life.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Hwanny! :)
How's your day going so far? 
Thank you for writing an essay related to our essay question. I agree that obesity is a disease and can result to other different diseases such as mental problems and physical problems. 
Obese people could suffer from a range of different diseases such as heart problems, stroke, diabetes, liver problems, and hormonal problems to name a few. 
It is imperative to stay fit and healthy because this will help us prevent from acquiring different diseases. 
I hope you're doing great. 
See you in class later! :)
~Teacher Charry

Yes, I think so. 
>> CORRECT!
There was a TV program that helping people to lose weight. 
>> There was a TV program that was helping people to lose weight. 
In that program some people made appearances for losing weight. 
>> In that program some people made appearances to lose weight.
Before making that program, the director had interviews of participants. 
>> Before making that program, the director had interviews with the participants.
In that interviews majority of participants told that having mental problems is the reason why they became obesity. 
>> In those interviews, majority of the participants told him that having a mental problem is the reason why they became obese.
While the director was shooting the TV program. The director made psychotherapy courses to help the participants. 
>> While the director was shooting the TV program, the participants underwent psychotherapy courses to help them. 
It was successful.
>> CORRECT!
After that program, many participants got new life.
>> After that program, many participants got a new life.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114963 What do you think will happen if North Korea and South Korea are... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-23 388
114962 What kind of cars do you think look the best? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-23 0
114961 What do you do in order to minimize the use of plastic? ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-23 0
114960 What is the best memory you have in school? Explain in detail. Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 322
114959 NIce!!! ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 348
114958 I don\'t want to be famous ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 136
114957 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 632
114956 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 958
114955 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 90
114954 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 2
114953 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 114
114952 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 96
114951 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 1
114950 Homework ÀÌ*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 2
114949 Transportation ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 170
114948 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 142
114947 Do you like trying new reataurants, or do you prefer to go to... ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 496
114946 Household Chores Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 154
114945 What do you think will happen if North Korea and South Korea are... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 99
114944 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 157

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04