¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Nap have to be moderate.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-12-14 380

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, taking nap too much time can be problem, but moderate nap can be good for us. Taking too much time nap means, take nap excess 30 minutes. After taking nap, our body will reduce sleeping time in the night. Then, it can cause problem. if we take too much time nap, then our body will reduce lots of our sleeping time. Children grow a lot we they sleep in the night. However, nap doesn't affect a lot to growing. It says if children take lots of nap, then they can't grow as nap time. In conclusion, we have to take moderate nap when we are so tired.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Daniel! Thank you for answering your homework. However, you have to be careful with word usage and sentence construction. Please take note of the corrections.  

- Teacher Debbie

In my opinion, taking nap too much time can be problem, but moderate nap can be good for us.
>> In my opinion, taking long naps can be a problem, but short naps can be good for us.

Taking too much time nap means, take nap excess 30 minutes.
>> A long nap is longer than 30 minutes.

 After taking nap, our body will reduce sleeping time in the night. 
>>  This reduces our sleeping time at night. 

Then, it can cause problem. 
>> Therefore, it can cause problems.

if we take too much time nap, then our body will reduce lots of our sleeping time. Children grow a lot we they sleep in the night. 
>> If we take long naps, our body shortens our nighttime sleep, and children grow a lot when they sleep at night. 
 
However, nap doesn't affect a lot to growing. 
>> Taking naps doesn't affect their growth much.

It says if children take lots of nap, then they can't grow as nap time.
>> People say if children take lots of naps, they can't grow much.

 In conclusion, we have to take moderate nap when we are so tired.
>>  In conclusion, we only have to take short naps when we are so tired.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116213 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 688
116212 Wednesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 515
116211 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 1
116210 measures to protect and improve the mental health of children... È£*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 1
116209 What was the most important thing your parents taught you? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 2
116208 Being Kind ÃÖ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 555
116207 What are the things you consider important in life? ¾ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 3
116206 Homework ÀÓ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 627
116205 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 811
116204 Is there a song that makes you emotional? Which song is it and... ÀÌ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 3
116203 Over 3 in 10 out-of-school children at risk of suicide : survey À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 1
116202 Robot chefs unviled at boot camp to cut troops workloads,... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 1
116201 mental health ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 1114
116200 22-02-07 Homework ¹Ú*·É ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 0
116199 most interesting place in Korea ÀÌ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 815
116198 . ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 815
116197 2022.2.8 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 559
116196 homework ¹®*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 717
116195 What\'s the reason why people are no longer giving marriage... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 4
116194 Hi Ȳ*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-09 511

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04