¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Nap have to be moderate.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-12-14 264

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, taking nap too much time can be problem, but moderate nap can be good for us. Taking too much time nap means, take nap excess 30 minutes. After taking nap, our body will reduce sleeping time in the night. Then, it can cause problem. if we take too much time nap, then our body will reduce lots of our sleeping time. Children grow a lot we they sleep in the night. However, nap doesn't affect a lot to growing. It says if children take lots of nap, then they can't grow as nap time. In conclusion, we have to take moderate nap when we are so tired.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Daniel! Thank you for answering your homework. However, you have to be careful with word usage and sentence construction. Please take note of the corrections.  

- Teacher Debbie

In my opinion, taking nap too much time can be problem, but moderate nap can be good for us.
>> In my opinion, taking long naps can be a problem, but short naps can be good for us.

Taking too much time nap means, take nap excess 30 minutes.
>> A long nap is longer than 30 minutes.

 After taking nap, our body will reduce sleeping time in the night. 
>>  This reduces our sleeping time at night. 

Then, it can cause problem. 
>> Therefore, it can cause problems.

if we take too much time nap, then our body will reduce lots of our sleeping time. Children grow a lot we they sleep in the night. 
>> If we take long naps, our body shortens our nighttime sleep, and children grow a lot when they sleep at night. 
 
However, nap doesn't affect a lot to growing. 
>> Taking naps doesn't affect their growth much.

It says if children take lots of nap, then they can't grow as nap time.
>> People say if children take lots of naps, they can't grow much.

 In conclusion, we have to take moderate nap when we are so tired.
>>  In conclusion, we only have to take short naps when we are so tired.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114740 If you could go back to high school, would you change your major... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 221
114739 What do you usually do when or while riding a train or bus? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 162
114738 Do you always want to be in almost all parties? Why or why not? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 217
114737 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 170
114736 Hello. ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 4
114735 Why do you think people enjoy mountain climbing despite it being... ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 194
114734 12/14 ³ë*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 349
114733 12/13 ³ë*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 235
114732 Why was the microscope invented? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 1
114731 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 1
114730 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 1
114729 gender sensitivity ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 227
114728 If you could choose one place to go this weekend, where would it... ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 1
114727 I have a question ¹Ú*¸í ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 1
114726 Pandemic ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 245
114725 Please write your journal on the homework page. ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-15 251
114724 Homework ³²*¸¸ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-14 302
114723 what I do when my homework is difficult ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-12-14 590
114722 What does the paragraph mean? Share your answer in a few... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-14 274
114721 Online ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-14 249

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04