¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Nap have to be moderate.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-12-14 289

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, taking nap too much time can be problem, but moderate nap can be good for us. Taking too much time nap means, take nap excess 30 minutes. After taking nap, our body will reduce sleeping time in the night. Then, it can cause problem. if we take too much time nap, then our body will reduce lots of our sleeping time. Children grow a lot we they sleep in the night. However, nap doesn't affect a lot to growing. It says if children take lots of nap, then they can't grow as nap time. In conclusion, we have to take moderate nap when we are so tired.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Daniel! Thank you for answering your homework. However, you have to be careful with word usage and sentence construction. Please take note of the corrections.  

- Teacher Debbie

In my opinion, taking nap too much time can be problem, but moderate nap can be good for us.
>> In my opinion, taking long naps can be a problem, but short naps can be good for us.

Taking too much time nap means, take nap excess 30 minutes.
>> A long nap is longer than 30 minutes.

 After taking nap, our body will reduce sleeping time in the night. 
>>  This reduces our sleeping time at night. 

Then, it can cause problem. 
>> Therefore, it can cause problems.

if we take too much time nap, then our body will reduce lots of our sleeping time. Children grow a lot we they sleep in the night. 
>> If we take long naps, our body shortens our nighttime sleep, and children grow a lot when they sleep at night. 
 
However, nap doesn't affect a lot to growing. 
>> Taking naps doesn't affect their growth much.

It says if children take lots of nap, then they can't grow as nap time.
>> People say if children take lots of naps, they can't grow much.

 In conclusion, we have to take moderate nap when we are so tired.
>>  In conclusion, we only have to take short naps when we are so tired.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114591 How many hours do you sleep? ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 416
114590 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 731
114589 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 0
114588 homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 294
114587 Where do you want to travel next time? ¼º*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 215
114586 Do you think that TV makes people lazy? ¼Õ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 493
114585 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 390
114584 What\'s the most expensive and most beautiful painting you have... ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 0
114583 Are birthdays really important? Why or why not? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 654
114582 Which habit do you think is the most important for parents to... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 265
114581 Which habit do you think is the most important for parents to... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 1
114580 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 576
114579 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 0
114578 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 0
114577 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 2
114576 Question °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 0
114575 12/8 ³ë*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 334
114574 Establishment ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 2
114573 What is the connection between a person\'s lifestyle and the... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 639
114572 I am sorry ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 895

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04