¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Nap have to be moderate.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-12-14 481

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, taking nap too much time can be problem, but moderate nap can be good for us. Taking too much time nap means, take nap excess 30 minutes. After taking nap, our body will reduce sleeping time in the night. Then, it can cause problem. if we take too much time nap, then our body will reduce lots of our sleeping time. Children grow a lot we they sleep in the night. However, nap doesn't affect a lot to growing. It says if children take lots of nap, then they can't grow as nap time. In conclusion, we have to take moderate nap when we are so tired.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Daniel! Thank you for answering your homework. However, you have to be careful with word usage and sentence construction. Please take note of the corrections.  

- Teacher Debbie

In my opinion, taking nap too much time can be problem, but moderate nap can be good for us.
>> In my opinion, taking long naps can be a problem, but short naps can be good for us.

Taking too much time nap means, take nap excess 30 minutes.
>> A long nap is longer than 30 minutes.

 After taking nap, our body will reduce sleeping time in the night. 
>>  This reduces our sleeping time at night. 

Then, it can cause problem. 
>> Therefore, it can cause problems.

if we take too much time nap, then our body will reduce lots of our sleeping time. Children grow a lot we they sleep in the night. 
>> If we take long naps, our body shortens our nighttime sleep, and children grow a lot when they sleep at night. 
 
However, nap doesn't affect a lot to growing. 
>> Taking naps doesn't affect their growth much.

It says if children take lots of nap, then they can't grow as nap time.
>> People say if children take lots of naps, they can't grow much.

 In conclusion, we have to take moderate nap when we are so tired.
>>  In conclusion, we only have to take short naps when we are so tired.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113633 My husband job ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-07 3
113632 For Jisun Oral Test 2 ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-07 514
113631 For Jisun Oral Test 1 ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-07 521
113630 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-07 487
113629 Tell us about a memorable, enjoyable, or strange dream you\'ve... ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-06 391
113628 Affect bad effect to penguins ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-06 575
113627 Tell Me About a Time You Demonstrated Leadership Skills. ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-06 508
113626 Have you ever been on a team where someone was not pulling their... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-06 622
113625 How do you handle working with people who annoy you? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-06 467
113624 What is your greatest failure, and what did you learn from it? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-06 470
113623 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-06 441
113622 Are you a friendly person? Answer in a few sentences ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-06 368
113621 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-05 742
113620 Daniel\'s first draft (Name :We could do with giving each... ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-11-05 742
113619 Language ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-05 504
113618 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-05 431
113617 Why do you think people in Korea do not want to marry nowadays? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-05 2
113616 What role do you want to play when you get married and have a... ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-05 2
113615 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-05 564
113614 I\'m just usual, fine friend ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-05 427

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04