¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Apartment is better to live

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-12-17 128

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I prefer apartment in countryside to just house. It's because apartment's facility is better than common house's. First, in summer it's very hot and in winter it's very cold in common houses. I hate both hot and cold. So I want to live in, 'cool and warm home'. It is apartment. Second, usual house is smaller than apartment. Big house is very expensive, so I think apartment is proper to live. Third, it can be more safe than house. In the case of apartment, thief can't get into by windows because it is too tall. In conclusion, I think apartment is better to live than house.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Daniel! Thank you so much for your effort.  However,  your sentences need to be more organized. Keep on practicing! 

- Teacher Debbie

I prefer apartment in countryside to just house.
>> I prefer an apartment in the countryside to a house.

It's because apartment's facility is better than common house's.
>> It's because an apartment's facility is better than a house.

First, in summer it's very hot and in winter it's very cold in common houses. 
>> A house can be very hot in summer and very cold in winter.

I hate both hot and cold. So I want to live in, 'cool and warm home'.
>> I hate both hot and cold, so I want to live in a "cool and warm home."

 It is apartment. 
>> It is an apartment.

Second, usual house is smaller than apartment. 
>> In addition, a house is usually smaller than an apartment.

Big house is very expensive, so I think apartment is proper to live. 
>> Big houses are very expensive, so I think it's better to live in apartments.

Third, it can be more safe than house. 
>> Apartments are safer than houses.

In the case of apartment, thief can't get into by windows because it is too tall. 
>>  Thieves can't go through the windows of the apartments because they are too high.

In conclusion, I think apartment is better to live than house.
>> In conclusion, I think it's better to live in an apartment than in a house.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114579 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 0
114578 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 0
114577 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 2
114576 Question °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 0
114575 12/8 ³ë*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 176
114574 Establishment ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 2
114573 What is the connection between a person\'s lifestyle and the... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 528
114572 I am sorry ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 740
114571 How do you think life would be like without the phone/telephone? ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 368
114570 What are some qualities that you think are important in a spouse... ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 0
114569 What is love? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 0
114568 I\'m doing my homework^^ ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 382
114567 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 1
114566 How did COVID19 affect social gatherings in Korea? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 185
114565 How would life be without music? ¾ç*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 80
114564 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 145
114563 I don\'t want to meet people ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 103
114562 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 140
114561 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 871
114560 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 134

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04