¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Apartment is better to live

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-12-17 328

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I prefer apartment in countryside to just house. It's because apartment's facility is better than common house's. First, in summer it's very hot and in winter it's very cold in common houses. I hate both hot and cold. So I want to live in, 'cool and warm home'. It is apartment. Second, usual house is smaller than apartment. Big house is very expensive, so I think apartment is proper to live. Third, it can be more safe than house. In the case of apartment, thief can't get into by windows because it is too tall. In conclusion, I think apartment is better to live than house.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Daniel! Thank you so much for your effort.  However,  your sentences need to be more organized. Keep on practicing! 

- Teacher Debbie

I prefer apartment in countryside to just house.
>> I prefer an apartment in the countryside to a house.

It's because apartment's facility is better than common house's.
>> It's because an apartment's facility is better than a house.

First, in summer it's very hot and in winter it's very cold in common houses. 
>> A house can be very hot in summer and very cold in winter.

I hate both hot and cold. So I want to live in, 'cool and warm home'.
>> I hate both hot and cold, so I want to live in a "cool and warm home."

 It is apartment. 
>> It is an apartment.

Second, usual house is smaller than apartment. 
>> In addition, a house is usually smaller than an apartment.

Big house is very expensive, so I think apartment is proper to live. 
>> Big houses are very expensive, so I think it's better to live in apartments.

Third, it can be more safe than house. 
>> Apartments are safer than houses.

In the case of apartment, thief can't get into by windows because it is too tall. 
>>  Thieves can't go through the windows of the apartments because they are too high.

In conclusion, I think apartment is better to live than house.
>> In conclusion, I think it's better to live in an apartment than in a house.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113405 What are some effective ways to handle rejections? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-30 2
113404 When is the right time for you to fall in love? Answer in a few... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-30 1194
113403 homework ³²*¸¸ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-30 466
113402 If you can spend a day with a famous person, who would you pick... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-30 1
113401 Turtles can breathe by their hips ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 1032
113400 Natural disaster ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 731
113399 Have you ever lost something while travelling? ¹®*À² ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 496
113398 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 1066
113397 Do you agree that money makes the world go around? ¹Ú*Çù ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 543
113396 Homework📝 ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 773
113395 what korean do in winter season and what happens. ¹Ú*Çù ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 621
113394 good things about korea ¹Ú*Çù ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 569
113393 ¼÷Á¦ Á¤*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 400
113392 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 456
113391 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 1
113390 Music ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 991
113389 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 729
113388 writing ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 641
113387 writing ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 647
113386 writing ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 472

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04