¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Education:Necessary,but not Everything

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿µ
2021-12-18 632

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Before arguing about the topic 'does education guarantee people a good job', I would like to make sure that I would talk about 'wanted job' since it is hard to define 'good job'.

Imagine yourself as appraiser. What would you like to see from applicants? Probably you would try to find if the applicant can be good co-worker with you based on their experience and career.
Knowledge ,which is from education, is not a career nor experience. It could help people to do complicated things, but it doesn't mean you can get a job right away.
In conclusion, education is needed to have a job you want, but it doesn't guarantee your job.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Justine!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


Before arguing about the topic 'does education guarantee people a good job', I would like to make sure that I would talk about 'wanted job' since it is hard to define 'good job'.

>> Before arguing the topic, "Does education guarantee people a good job?", I would like to make sure that I would talk about "wanted jobs", since it is hard to define a "good job".

Imagine yourself as appraiser. What would you like to see from applicants? 

>> Imagine yourself as an appraiser, what would you like to see from applicants? 

Probably you would try to find if the applicant can be good co-worker with you based on their experience and career.

>> You would probably try to find if the applicant can be a good co-worker based on their experience and career.
Knowledge ,which is from education, is not a career nor experience. 

>> Knowledge that is from education is not a career nor an experience. 

It could help people to do complicated things, but it doesn't mean you can get a job right away.

>> It could help people do complicated things, but it doesn't mean you can get a job right away.
In conclusion, education is needed to have a job you want, but it doesn't guarantee your job.

>> In conclusion, education is needed to have a job that you want, but it doesn't guarantee you a job.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117302 How would the world be different if all leaders were women? Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 865
117301 Homework ÀÓ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 979
117300 Experence ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 629
117299 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 889
117298 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 2
117297 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 672
117296 Second homework À±*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-14 1257
117295 What is the advantage and disadvantage of owning a pet? ÁÖ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-03-13 953
117294 What are some things you shouldn\'t ask people you just met? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-13 2
117293 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-13 1449
117292 Have you ever had any bad experiences with fire? Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-13 1085
117291 Make a sentence ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-13 798
117290 What do you appreciate the most when you are traveling? ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-13 1327
117289 Tell me about your previous Project Management Experience. ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-13 1256
117288 The music ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-13 1
117287 Talk about the time when you handled the difficult customer. ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-13 1177
117286 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-13 1094
117285 Do you believe in aliens? Why or why not? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-13 0
117284 Have you ever worked in fast-paced environment? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-13 1155
117283 1. impeccable 2. let someone down 3. synergy ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2022-03-13 991

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04