¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Education:Necessary,but not Everything

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿µ
2021-12-18 565

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Before arguing about the topic 'does education guarantee people a good job', I would like to make sure that I would talk about 'wanted job' since it is hard to define 'good job'.

Imagine yourself as appraiser. What would you like to see from applicants? Probably you would try to find if the applicant can be good co-worker with you based on their experience and career.
Knowledge ,which is from education, is not a career nor experience. It could help people to do complicated things, but it doesn't mean you can get a job right away.
In conclusion, education is needed to have a job you want, but it doesn't guarantee your job.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Justine!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


Before arguing about the topic 'does education guarantee people a good job', I would like to make sure that I would talk about 'wanted job' since it is hard to define 'good job'.

>> Before arguing the topic, "Does education guarantee people a good job?", I would like to make sure that I would talk about "wanted jobs", since it is hard to define a "good job".

Imagine yourself as appraiser. What would you like to see from applicants? 

>> Imagine yourself as an appraiser, what would you like to see from applicants? 

Probably you would try to find if the applicant can be good co-worker with you based on their experience and career.

>> You would probably try to find if the applicant can be a good co-worker based on their experience and career.
Knowledge ,which is from education, is not a career nor experience. 

>> Knowledge that is from education is not a career nor an experience. 

It could help people to do complicated things, but it doesn't mean you can get a job right away.

>> It could help people do complicated things, but it doesn't mean you can get a job right away.
In conclusion, education is needed to have a job you want, but it doesn't guarantee your job.

>> In conclusion, education is needed to have a job that you want, but it doesn't guarantee you a job.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116492 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 518
116491 Do you like dogs? Why do people call the dog, man\'s best friend? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 806
116490 Cafe ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 1
116489 I have seen duck tongue dishes. ±è*Å ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 3
116488 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 782
116487 What is your favorite movie and why is that your favorite? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 755
116486 The vegetarian ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 4
116485 25.26.27 ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 721
116484 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 1056
116483 If you had a lot of money, what is the first thing you\'ll buy... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 638
116482 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 11
116481 If you had a lot of money, what is the first thing you\'ll buy... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 0
116480 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 621
116479 Homework (2/16) ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 0
116478 If you would introduce a place in your town, which place would... ¾ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 1
116477 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 3
116476 HOMEWORK: What kinds of flowers do you like? How would you feel... ¼­*¾È ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 562
116475 Have you ever walked in your sleep? Do you know anyone who does? ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 657
116474 Homework ÀÓ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 685
116473 What kind of sports what I like ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 646

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04