¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Education:Necessary,but not Everything

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿µ
2021-12-18 540

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Before arguing about the topic 'does education guarantee people a good job', I would like to make sure that I would talk about 'wanted job' since it is hard to define 'good job'.

Imagine yourself as appraiser. What would you like to see from applicants? Probably you would try to find if the applicant can be good co-worker with you based on their experience and career.
Knowledge ,which is from education, is not a career nor experience. It could help people to do complicated things, but it doesn't mean you can get a job right away.
In conclusion, education is needed to have a job you want, but it doesn't guarantee your job.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Justine!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


Before arguing about the topic 'does education guarantee people a good job', I would like to make sure that I would talk about 'wanted job' since it is hard to define 'good job'.

>> Before arguing the topic, "Does education guarantee people a good job?", I would like to make sure that I would talk about "wanted jobs", since it is hard to define a "good job".

Imagine yourself as appraiser. What would you like to see from applicants? 

>> Imagine yourself as an appraiser, what would you like to see from applicants? 

Probably you would try to find if the applicant can be good co-worker with you based on their experience and career.

>> You would probably try to find if the applicant can be a good co-worker based on their experience and career.
Knowledge ,which is from education, is not a career nor experience. 

>> Knowledge that is from education is not a career nor an experience. 

It could help people to do complicated things, but it doesn't mean you can get a job right away.

>> It could help people do complicated things, but it doesn't mean you can get a job right away.
In conclusion, education is needed to have a job you want, but it doesn't guarantee your job.

>> In conclusion, education is needed to have a job that you want, but it doesn't guarantee you a job.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116387 Home work ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 732
116386 Claire\'s Homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 1303
116385 Homework(2/11) ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 0
116384 What do you love about your work? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 2
116383 Home work ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 1018
116382 Why do you think school clubs or organizations are important? ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 510
116381 My Personality ÃÖ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 1010
116380 HOMEWORK: Why is it easy or hard for you to introduce someone to... ¼­*¾È ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 699
116379 What makes socializing difficult? ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 0
116378 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 1179
116377 Homework ÀÓ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 528
116376 lesson 2 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 867
116375 Why do you think people don\'t like to practice gardening? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 3
116374 lesson 2 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 1103
116373 If you could live in a city under the ocean, would you want to?... ¾ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 3
116372 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 1
116371 Figure skater You Young shrugs off Russian\'s reported doping,... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 1
116370 Voice, music ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 726
116369 Really mean peolpe they don\'t know what is falts ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 912
116368 . ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 689

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04