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Education:Necessary,but not Everything

작성자: 김*영
2021-12-18 536

회원님의 영작문

Before arguing about the topic 'does education guarantee people a good job', I would like to make sure that I would talk about 'wanted job' since it is hard to define 'good job'.

Imagine yourself as appraiser. What would you like to see from applicants? Probably you would try to find if the applicant can be good co-worker with you based on their experience and career.
Knowledge ,which is from education, is not a career nor experience. It could help people to do complicated things, but it doesn't mean you can get a job right away.
In conclusion, education is needed to have a job you want, but it doesn't guarantee your job.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello Justine!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great… ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


Before arguing about the topic 'does education guarantee people a good job', I would like to make sure that I would talk about 'wanted job' since it is hard to define 'good job'.

>> Before arguing the topic, "Does education guarantee people a good job?", I would like to make sure that I would talk about "wanted jobs", since it is hard to define a "good job".

Imagine yourself as appraiser. What would you like to see from applicants? 

>> Imagine yourself as an appraiser, what would you like to see from applicants? 

Probably you would try to find if the applicant can be good co-worker with you based on their experience and career.

>> You would probably try to find if the applicant can be a good co-worker based on their experience and career.
Knowledge ,which is from education, is not a career nor experience. 

>> Knowledge that is from education is not a career nor an experience. 

It could help people to do complicated things, but it doesn't mean you can get a job right away.

>> It could help people do complicated things, but it doesn't mean you can get a job right away.
In conclusion, education is needed to have a job you want, but it doesn't guarantee your job.

>> In conclusion, education is needed to have a job that you want, but it doesn't guarantee you a job.
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