¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Education:Necessary,but not Everything

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿µ
2021-12-18 514

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Before arguing about the topic 'does education guarantee people a good job', I would like to make sure that I would talk about 'wanted job' since it is hard to define 'good job'.

Imagine yourself as appraiser. What would you like to see from applicants? Probably you would try to find if the applicant can be good co-worker with you based on their experience and career.
Knowledge ,which is from education, is not a career nor experience. It could help people to do complicated things, but it doesn't mean you can get a job right away.
In conclusion, education is needed to have a job you want, but it doesn't guarantee your job.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Justine!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


Before arguing about the topic 'does education guarantee people a good job', I would like to make sure that I would talk about 'wanted job' since it is hard to define 'good job'.

>> Before arguing the topic, "Does education guarantee people a good job?", I would like to make sure that I would talk about "wanted jobs", since it is hard to define a "good job".

Imagine yourself as appraiser. What would you like to see from applicants? 

>> Imagine yourself as an appraiser, what would you like to see from applicants? 

Probably you would try to find if the applicant can be good co-worker with you based on their experience and career.

>> You would probably try to find if the applicant can be a good co-worker based on their experience and career.
Knowledge ,which is from education, is not a career nor experience. 

>> Knowledge that is from education is not a career nor an experience. 

It could help people to do complicated things, but it doesn't mean you can get a job right away.

>> It could help people do complicated things, but it doesn't mean you can get a job right away.
In conclusion, education is needed to have a job you want, but it doesn't guarantee your job.

>> In conclusion, education is needed to have a job that you want, but it doesn't guarantee you a job.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115774 There are two ways for relaxing ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1440
115773 Home Work ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1073
115772 What do you think is your main purpose in life? Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1362
115771 Money is most need thing ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1008
115770 Automatically read my mind ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1486
115769 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 0
115768 Essay (Jan 20th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 741
115767 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1891
115766 what do you do to improve? ¾ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 3
115765 Claire\'s Homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1438
115764 What do you think is the most important thing to make a happy... ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1255
115763 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1
115762 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1
115761 If a book has been made into a movie, which do you prefer to do... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 774
115760 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 980
115759 When people from other countries think about your culture, what... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1126
115758 which chores do you not like to do Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 952
115757 My goal ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 2
115756 HOMEWORK: What kind of people annoy you? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 3
115755 Homework(1/20) ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-20 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04