¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are the possible causes for having a vice?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*°æ
2021-12-21 1356

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Biting a nail is one of vices. But if it helps him calm down and focus on the important moment, it could be a cause of having a vice. Of course, He usually doesn't bite a nail. Only when he gets nervous or stresses out, he does his vice to relieve his stress.

There are more unconscious behavior to calm donw and help somebody to concentrate on his or her work such as pen spinning.
For me, pen spinning used to be one of my unconscious hehavior in my school days. I don't know where to learn this, and when to start this, but this behavior appeared involuntarily whenever I focused on somethiing. But not anymore.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Steve! I'm afraid your paragraph needs better construction. Please work more on sentence construction.

- Debbie


Biting a nail is one of vices.
>> Biting nails is one of the vices.

 But if it helps him calm down and focus on the important moment, it could be a cause of having a vice. 
>> If  it helps someone calm down and focus on important things, it could be a problem. It could turn into a vice.

Of course, He usually doesn't bite a nail. 
>> Of course, he doesn't usually bite his nails.

Only when he gets nervous or stresses out, he does his vice to relieve his stress.
>> He only does this when he gets nervous or stressed out to relieve his stress. 

There are more unconscious behavior to calm donw and help somebody to concentrate on his or her work such as pen spinning.
>> There are more unconscious behavior that makes somebody calm and help him/her concentrate on his/her work such as pen spinning.

For me, pen spinning used to be one of my unconscious hehavior in my school days. 
>> I used to do it in my school days.

I don't know where to learn this, and when to start this, but this behavior appeared involuntarily whenever I focused on somethiing. 
>> I don't know where I learned this and when I started this, but this behavior appeared whenever I focused on something

But not anymore.
>> Fortunately, I don't do this anymore.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114706 Is this sentence grammatically correct? °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-14 233
114705 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-14 0
114704 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-14 1
114703 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-14 0
114702 What do you think about coffee shop hopping? Please give details... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-14 162
114701 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-12-14 0
114700 You sent a lot of questions. I did try to post all of the... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-12-14 171
114699 home work ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-14 159
114698 home work ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-14 603
114697 What is the benefit of eating healthy? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-12-14 2
114696 What is the most famous place for tourists in your country? ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-14 195
114695 Absolutely language affects thought. ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-14 1
114694 Many jobs require ongoing training and research to stay... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-14 221
114693 What is the implication of having an aging population? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-14 476
114692 What do you think of single adults adopting kids? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-14 866
114691 Give 5 examples of reptiles you know and you can see in the... ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-14 1
114690 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-14 1
114689 diet ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-14 161
114688 What is your most valued possession? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-14 2
114687 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-14 176

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04