¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are the possible causes for having a vice?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*°æ
2021-12-21 1774

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Biting a nail is one of vices. But if it helps him calm down and focus on the important moment, it could be a cause of having a vice. Of course, He usually doesn't bite a nail. Only when he gets nervous or stresses out, he does his vice to relieve his stress.

There are more unconscious behavior to calm donw and help somebody to concentrate on his or her work such as pen spinning.
For me, pen spinning used to be one of my unconscious hehavior in my school days. I don't know where to learn this, and when to start this, but this behavior appeared involuntarily whenever I focused on somethiing. But not anymore.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Steve! I'm afraid your paragraph needs better construction. Please work more on sentence construction.

- Debbie


Biting a nail is one of vices.
>> Biting nails is one of the vices.

 But if it helps him calm down and focus on the important moment, it could be a cause of having a vice. 
>> If  it helps someone calm down and focus on important things, it could be a problem. It could turn into a vice.

Of course, He usually doesn't bite a nail. 
>> Of course, he doesn't usually bite his nails.

Only when he gets nervous or stresses out, he does his vice to relieve his stress.
>> He only does this when he gets nervous or stressed out to relieve his stress. 

There are more unconscious behavior to calm donw and help somebody to concentrate on his or her work such as pen spinning.
>> There are more unconscious behavior that makes somebody calm and help him/her concentrate on his/her work such as pen spinning.

For me, pen spinning used to be one of my unconscious hehavior in my school days. 
>> I used to do it in my school days.

I don't know where to learn this, and when to start this, but this behavior appeared involuntarily whenever I focused on somethiing. 
>> I don't know where I learned this and when I started this, but this behavior appeared whenever I focused on something

But not anymore.
>> Fortunately, I don't do this anymore.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113578 Essay ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 327
113577 What website do you often use and why? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 0
113576 Tell me about the best vacation you\'ve ever had. ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 0
113575 Most Important attitude at work ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 547
113574 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 545
113573 What are the possible causes for having a vice? ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 502
113572 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 526
113571 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 1291
113570 Beauty ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 622
113569 Should adultery be considered a crime? Explain your answer. ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 396
113568 What is your ideal job? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 1
113567 Are You Willing to Relocate? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 967
113566 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 0
113565 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 0
113564 Homework ¾È*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 852
113563 Tell me about the best vacation you\'ve ever had. ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 1088
113562 Do you like surprises? Why or why not? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 2
113561 working of another country ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 5
113560 What is the funniest and most interesting cartoon you have... ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 2
113559 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-04 628

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04