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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

In other countries, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people wher

작성자: 황*하
2021-12-21 189

회원님의 영작문

It is the most controversial issues in aging society. The elderly population are getting increase continually due to low birth rate. Senior care center, apartment and hospitals can be good solution to solve health problem of old people. One of the well-established facility is retirement village which provide medical services and is facilitated with various activity rooms such as billiard club, singing room and gym. Old people can spend their time doing selective activities they like and have a chance to make friends who have similar concerns. Although, these center can provide the best care, expenses are difficult problem because of the high price service. I don't think most young people aren't willing to pay for elderly as they might not get these services from their descendants due to their family plans. Recently, many couples tend to be living without babies. In addition, young people have been pushed to pay taxes for old people but there won't be enough people to support them .

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello! ^^ Thanks for the class today! ^^ I hope to participate in Kimjang festival too! kkk Enjoy your the rest of December!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
It is the most controversial issue in the aging society. 
>>> CORRECT
The elderly population are getting increase continually due to low birth rate.
>>> The elderly's population is increasing continuously due to low birth rate.
 Senior care center, apartment and hospitals can be good solution to solve health problem of old people. 
>>>  Providing senior care center, apartment and hospitals can be good solutions to solve the health problem of old people. 
One of the well-established facility is retirement village which provide medical services and is facilitated with various activity rooms such as billiard club, singing room and gym. 
>>> One of the well-established facilities is retirement village which provides medical services and is facilitated with various activity rooms such as billiard club, singing room and gym. 
Old people can spend their time doing selective activities they like and have a chance to make friends who have similar concerns.
>>> CORRECT
 Although, these center can provide the best care, expenses are difficult problem because of the high price service. 
>>> CORRECT
I don't think most young people aren't willing to pay for the elderly as they might not get these services from their descendants due to their family plans.
>>> CORRECT
 Recently, many couples tend to be living without babies.
>>> CORRECT
 In addition, young people have been pushed to pay taxes for old people but there won't be enough people to support them .
>>> CORRECT
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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
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