¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What advice would you like to give to your old self and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*º°
2021-12-23 1210

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I want to say "Everything will go well" and "I'm always on your side". Because I was stressful. I had so many thoughts and worries. So, I always asked to me "Is this way right?". Due to this asking, I was hard. So, I return to that time and I want to answer the question. And I want to make me relievable. Also, my previous self needed a person who I can rely on . So, my present self want to be a person who my previous self can rely on. Thanks to my advices, I hope my previous self can live more happily. But I hope my previous self don't throw away all thoughts.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi  Kimberly  :) 

There are things that we would like to change in our past. Sometimes we feel regret but often times, it helps us grow into a better person. There is a saying that experiences are the best teachers so we should be thankful for the things in the past. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I want to say "Everything will go well" and "I'm always on your side". 
>> CORRECT

Because I was stressful. 
>> It is because I was stressed at that time. 

I had so many thoughts and worries. 
>> CORRECT

So, I always asked to me "Is this way right?". 
>> So I always asked myself, "Is this the right way?". 

Due to this asking, I was hard. 
>> Due to the constant worry, I had a hard time.

So, I return to that time and I want to answer the question. 
>> So, if I will return to that time, I want to answer those questions. 

And I want to make me relievable. 
>> I want to make myself feel relieved. 

Also, my previous self needed a person who I can rely on. 
>>  CORRECT

So, my present self want to be a person who my previous self can rely on. 
>>CORRECT

Thanks to my advices, I hope my previous self can live more happily. 
>> CORRECT

But I hope my previous self don't throw away all thoughts.
>> But I hope that my old self will not throw away all those thoughts. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114793 What will be your New Year\'s Resolution this coming new year? ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 634
114792 What is your favorite physical characteristic? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 0
114791 My dream vacation ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 209
114790 How will you organize all that you need to do before Dec.17? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 0
114789 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 163
114788 Kids don\'t have to go to malls, how to compose(1) ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 196
114787 My countryside is.... ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 149
114786 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 0
114785 What was the last thing you did that made you feel so much... ¼º*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 858
114784 What will be your New Year\'s Resolution this coming new year? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 281
114783 My sport ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 2
114782 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 435
114781 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 122
114780 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 999
114779 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 1
114778 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 2
114777 Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 247
114776 How do you want to enjoy your vacation in February next year? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 330
114775 12/16 ³ë*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 152
114774 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 284

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04