¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What advice would you like to give to your old self and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*º°
2021-12-23 1495

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I want to say "Everything will go well" and "I'm always on your side". Because I was stressful. I had so many thoughts and worries. So, I always asked to me "Is this way right?". Due to this asking, I was hard. So, I return to that time and I want to answer the question. And I want to make me relievable. Also, my previous self needed a person who I can rely on . So, my present self want to be a person who my previous self can rely on. Thanks to my advices, I hope my previous self can live more happily. But I hope my previous self don't throw away all thoughts.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi  Kimberly  :) 

There are things that we would like to change in our past. Sometimes we feel regret but often times, it helps us grow into a better person. There is a saying that experiences are the best teachers so we should be thankful for the things in the past. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I want to say "Everything will go well" and "I'm always on your side". 
>> CORRECT

Because I was stressful. 
>> It is because I was stressed at that time. 

I had so many thoughts and worries. 
>> CORRECT

So, I always asked to me "Is this way right?". 
>> So I always asked myself, "Is this the right way?". 

Due to this asking, I was hard. 
>> Due to the constant worry, I had a hard time.

So, I return to that time and I want to answer the question. 
>> So, if I will return to that time, I want to answer those questions. 

And I want to make me relievable. 
>> I want to make myself feel relieved. 

Also, my previous self needed a person who I can rely on. 
>>  CORRECT

So, my present self want to be a person who my previous self can rely on. 
>>CORRECT

Thanks to my advices, I hope my previous self can live more happily. 
>> CORRECT

But I hope my previous self don't throw away all thoughts.
>> But I hope that my old self will not throw away all those thoughts. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115704 Book Ȳ*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 1216
115703 introduction script ÀÌ*Çý ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 9
115702 What special features do you think should be added to computers? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-01-18 332
115701 Do you think beauty is the same for every person? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-18 823
115700 Do you think Interstella can come true? ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-18 799
115699 My bad accident\'s experience ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-18 467
115698 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-18 791
115697 Do you think that having a lot of money can make you happy? Why... Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-01-18 423
115696 Why do some people like to have unusual pet? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-18 2
115695 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-18 1
115694 How do you \"call\" a taxi in your country from the side of the... ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-18 754
115693 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-18 1
115692 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-01-18 4
115691 What special features do you think should be added to computers?... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-18 1258
115690 What do you think about living alone? Do you think it is good or... º¯*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-18 1164
115689 Tuesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-18 624
115688 What is the difference between going shopping and doing the shop? º¯*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-18 647
115687 Important ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-18 1
115686 No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes... º¯*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-18 1125
115685 Essay (Jan 18th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-01-18 380

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04