¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What advice would you like to give to your old self and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*º°
2021-12-23 1353

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I want to say "Everything will go well" and "I'm always on your side". Because I was stressful. I had so many thoughts and worries. So, I always asked to me "Is this way right?". Due to this asking, I was hard. So, I return to that time and I want to answer the question. And I want to make me relievable. Also, my previous self needed a person who I can rely on . So, my present self want to be a person who my previous self can rely on. Thanks to my advices, I hope my previous self can live more happily. But I hope my previous self don't throw away all thoughts.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi  Kimberly  :) 

There are things that we would like to change in our past. Sometimes we feel regret but often times, it helps us grow into a better person. There is a saying that experiences are the best teachers so we should be thankful for the things in the past. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I want to say "Everything will go well" and "I'm always on your side". 
>> CORRECT

Because I was stressful. 
>> It is because I was stressed at that time. 

I had so many thoughts and worries. 
>> CORRECT

So, I always asked to me "Is this way right?". 
>> So I always asked myself, "Is this the right way?". 

Due to this asking, I was hard. 
>> Due to the constant worry, I had a hard time.

So, I return to that time and I want to answer the question. 
>> So, if I will return to that time, I want to answer those questions. 

And I want to make me relievable. 
>> I want to make myself feel relieved. 

Also, my previous self needed a person who I can rely on. 
>>  CORRECT

So, my present self want to be a person who my previous self can rely on. 
>>CORRECT

Thanks to my advices, I hope my previous self can live more happily. 
>> CORRECT

But I hope my previous self don't throw away all thoughts.
>> But I hope that my old self will not throw away all those thoughts. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113797 Do you think people who are 12-17 years old should already get... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 0
113796 1111 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 1
113795 How would you describe your country¡¯s food? ye*nhi ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 324
113794 Apology ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 271
113793 How do you feel about tourists who visit your country? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 0
113792 Letter ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 265
113791 Essay ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 280
113790 Homework Á¤*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 1
113789 Do you like branded things? ¼Õ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 0
113788 why is the sky and the ocean blue explain in your own words. À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 2
113787 Prevention is better than cure. ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 309
113786 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 213
113785 12-17 years old children. ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 316
113784 homework ¾È*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 199
113783 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 269
113782 Homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 2
113781 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 303
113780 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 3
113779 Home ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 450
113778 Do you prefer the egg white or the yolk? Why? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-11 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04