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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Music can make people to one

작성자: 김*우
2022-01-05 445

회원님의 영작문

In my opinion, the answer is yes. For example, in the case of Arirang that is Korean traditional song, when Korean listen to this music, most of them cry. I think the melody and the lyrics are very good. In some TV program, some pianist arranged it and play it in front of audiences. When the audiences listened to it, all of them cried. I think it means most of people become one or have same feeling that is sad together. Though it isn't correct reason, but I'm sure that music can make people to one. In my experience, when I listened to the same classical music with my friend, my friend and I felt that we are the best friend. Because of it, I think music can improve the friend relationships. In conclusion, music affects lots of good things to us.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi, Daniel!  Thank you for doing your homework. You were able to make lengthy sentences. Your answer is impressive. Keep up the good job!

- Teacher Debbie


In my opinion, the answer is yes.
>> In my opinion, yes. Music brings people together.

For example, in the case of Arirang that is Korean traditional song, when Korean listen to this music, most of them cry. 
>> Take Arirang for example. When Koreans listen to this traditional song, most of them cry.

I think the melody and the lyrics are very good. 
>> This is a good sentence.

In some TV program, some pianist arranged it and play it in front of audiences.
>> In some TV programs, some pianists arranged and played it in front of an audience.

When the audiences listened to it, all of them cried.
>> When the audience listened to it, all of them cried.

I think it means most of people become one or have same feeling that is sad together.
>> I think it means most people get the same feeling when they listen to music together.

Though it isn't correct reason, but I'm sure that music can make people to one.
>> Though that isn't the real reason, I'm sure that music can bring people together.

 In my experience, when I listened to the same classical music with my friend, my friend and I felt that we are the best friend. 
>> In my experience, when I listened to the same classical music with my friend, my friend and I felt that we were best friends. 

Because of it, I think music can improve the friend relationships. 
>> I think music can improve our relationship with our friends.

In conclusion, music affects lots of good things to us.
>> In conclusion, music brings lots of good things to us.
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