¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think should the government do about homeless people?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*º°
2022-01-08 745

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

About homeless people which have a reason, the government should support them. It can make a law. And basically, it should provide something to eat. Finally, it can make environment which they can work. If  it does its best to do these, clearly, they will be able to live in the better society. I hope the society which we can live together. To make dreams come true, people and government should make effort together.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Kimberly:) 

This is a good idea. Maybe this can be a great impact for them to get back on their feet and make their lives better. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

About homeless people which have a reason, the government should support them. 
>> For homeless people who have valid reasons, the government should support them. 

It can make a law. 
>> They can make a law regarding this. 

And basically, it should provide something to eat. 
>> Basically, they should provide something for them to eat. 

Finally, it can make environment which they can work. 
>> Finally, they should make places where they can work. 

If  it does its best to do these, clearly, they will be able to live in the better society. 
>> If it's the best to do these things, clearly, they will be able to live in the society better. 

I hope the society which we can live together. 
>> I hope for a society which everyone can live together peacefully. 

To make dreams come true, people and government should make effort together
>> To make dreams come true, people and the government should make efforts together.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115477 homework Àü*¾÷ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 332
115476 Homework ¹Ú*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 210
115475 When I\'m worn out. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 1
115474 If there is a place where you wished to be born, where would it... ¾ö*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 481
115473 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 0
115472 Good evening! °­*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 289
115471 If you can live in another city in South Korea, which one will... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 412
115470 Tuesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 960
115469 Can you give me one superstition in South Korea? ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 1
115468 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 0
115467 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 1
115466 Homework ÃÖ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 2
115465 Homework (1/10) ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 2
115464 homework Á¤*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 2
115463 Korea locks in COVID19 pills for 1m people ; here\'s what to know À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 1
115462 What things are irreplaceable? ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 1188
115461 What things are irreplaceable? ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 136
115460 Essay (Jan 11th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 414
115459 > What do you enjoy doing with friends? ÇÑ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 232
115458 sudsidies ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 144

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04