¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homeless

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Àº
2022-01-09 1301

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I don't have any idea about that topic's knowledge.
Sometimes when I walked the street I saw the homeless people often.
And the season becomeing the winter I'm very worried about them.
Every homeless people have a sad story and hard reason to be a homeless.
But the goverment give it to help homeless using taxes, it's not good to way.
I think it's almost not good idea but in my personal opinion, government give it to help find them work and job.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Ann:) 

This is a good idea. Maybe this can be a great impact for them to get back on their feet and make their lives better. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I don't have any idea about that topic's knowledge.
>>I don't have any idea about that topic. 

Sometimes when I walked the street I saw the homeless people often.
>> Sometimes when I walk on the streets, I see homeless people often. 

And the season becomeing the winter I'm very worried about them.
>> Since it is winter, I am very worries about them. 

Every homeless people have a sad story and hard reason to be a homeless.
>> Every homeless people have a sad story and hard reason why they are homeless. 

But the goverment give it to help homeless using taxes, it's not good to way.
>> But the government give help to homeless people using taxes which is not a good thing. 

I think it's almost not good idea but in my personal opinion, government give it to help find them work and job
>> I think it's almost not a good idea. But in my personal opinion, the government should help them find jobs. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114070 Around me ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 1
114069 What is your proudest accomplishment so far this year? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 331
114068 When is drinking alcohol a vice? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 4
114067 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 702
114066 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 525
114065 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 419
114064 What is your most important goal next week? ±è*¹¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 657
114063 My school homework ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 1595
114062 Especially, It has two questions today~~ ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 508
114061 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 1
114060 What is your proudest accomplishment so far this year? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 1
114059 Do you think things will go back to the way they used to before... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 0
114058 Nonregular jobs incerase faster in 5 major cities À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 1
114057 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 1
114056 What is the most interesting city to visit in your country? Why? ye*nhi ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 1354
114055 DonQuixote ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 507
114054 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 1
114053 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 3
114052 1122 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 1
114051 1122 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04