¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

ESSAY: Some claim that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Àº
2022-01-10 548

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

ESSAY: Some claim that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

I agree to some extent that men are more competitive than women. In the past, the right of men was strong in order to protect their family and because the authority of men was high. Therefore, men naturally needed to be competitive with others. On the other hands, women didn't have chances to step up and their authority was low.
I think these perception is still fixed by now.
However, Nowadays, women's competitiveness is going up than men more and more.
In conclusion, whether competitiveness is big or not depends on according to who cares more it

I hope to equally competitive men and women more and more. It is not who is the most competitive.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Luel! Thanks for doing your essay! Your opinion is appreciated! Keep on! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA 
I agree to some extent that men are more competitive than women.
>>> CORRECT
 In the past, the right of men was strong in order to protect their family and  the authority of men was high. 
>>> CORRECT
Therefore, men naturally needed to be competitive with others.
>>> CORRECT
 On the other hand, women didn't have chances to step up and their authority was low.
>>> CORRECT
I think these perception is still fixed by now.
>>> I think these perception is still fixed now.
However, Nowadays, women's competitiveness is going up than men more and more.
>>> However, nowadays, women's competitiveness is going higher than men more and more.
In conclusion, whether competitiveness is big or not depends on according to who cares more it.
>>> 
In conclusion, whether competitiveness is big or not, it always depends on who cares more on it.
I hope to equally competitive men and women more and more. 
>>> I hope men and women will be equally competitive more and more. 
It is not who is the most competitive.
>>> Regardless of who the most competitive is.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114561 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 1078
114560 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 261
114559 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 0
114558 expectation ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 268
114557 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 3
114556 essay about \"If you had travel machine, where would you go and... ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 292
114555 Do you think that TV makes people lazy? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 228
114554 In your opinion, which season is the most beautiful? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 224
114553 What do you do if you forget an appointment? ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 680
114552 How would you compare yourself now to the old you? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 242
114551 Is this sentence grammatically correct? °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 256
114550 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 352
114549 If you could use a magical spell, like a love spell, on... ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 1
114548 The bus station ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 0
114547 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 264
114546 What are the five things you have on your bucket list? ¾È*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 261
114545 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 4
114544 Lou ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 283
114543 Why it is important to have a permission ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 273
114542 Where is it best for you to stay over? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 254

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04