¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think should the government do about homeless people?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2022-01-10 207

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

There are a lot of advantages about Capitalism, but there are also some disadvantages.
Capitalism is one of the fair ideas, but some people might be the poor.
The problem is, those poor people are hard to get a chance to succeed.
So there can be some homeless people and other poor people.
And the most important thing for them is education.
If we don't know how to earn money, we can't earn money.
And those poor people don't know how to earn money and the basic knowledge that can be useful in the lives.
So I think the government has to educate those poor people so there can be no any homeless people.
(Actually, in South Korea, I've never seen those homeless people.)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John:) 

This is true. Knowledge is something that no one can steal from you so you need to attain it in order to survive. This can be one of the best solutions for survival. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon. 

There are a lot of advantages about Capitalism, but there are also some disadvantages.
>>There are a lot of advantages about capitalism, but there are also some disadvantages.

Capitalism is one of the fair ideas, but some people might be the poor.
>> Capitalism is one of the fair ideas in the world, but it can make some people poor. 

The problem is, those poor people are hard to get a chance to succeed.
>> The problem is that poor people can have a hard time to succeed. 

So there can be some homeless people and other poor people.
>>Resulting many homeless and poor people. 

And the most important thing for them is education.
>> The most important thing for them is education. 

If we don't know how to earn money, we can't earn money.
>> If we don't know how to earn money then we can't earn money.

And those poor people don't know how to earn money and the basic knowledge that can be useful in the lives.
>> For those poor people who don't know how to earn money, basic knowledge ca be very useful in their lives. 

So I think the government has to educate those poor people so there can be no any homeless people.
>> So I think the government has to educate those poor people so there won't be any homeless people anymore. 

(Actually, in South Korea, I've never seen those homeless people.)
>> Actually, I've never seen homeless people in South Korea. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114555 Do you think that TV makes people lazy? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 131
114554 In your opinion, which season is the most beautiful? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 131
114553 What do you do if you forget an appointment? ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 513
114552 How would you compare yourself now to the old you? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 158
114551 Is this sentence grammatically correct? °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 181
114550 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 145
114549 If you could use a magical spell, like a love spell, on... ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 1
114548 The bus station ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 0
114547 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 195
114546 What are the five things you have on your bucket list? ¾È*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 178
114545 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 4
114544 Lou ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 159
114543 Why it is important to have a permission ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 204
114542 Where is it best for you to stay over? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 170
114541 Rider shortage driving up cost of your order À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 1
114540 What is the best memory you have of you and your family doing... ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 174
114539 What do you think of traveling amid the pandemic? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 188
114538 What do you usually do on weekends? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 1
114537 Young Ann, and old Ann ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-08 221
114536 Homework ³²*¸¸ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 544

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04