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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

What do you think should the government do about homeless people?

작성자: 류*주
2022-01-10 215

회원님의 영작문

There are a lot of advantages about Capitalism, but there are also some disadvantages.
Capitalism is one of the fair ideas, but some people might be the poor.
The problem is, those poor people are hard to get a chance to succeed.
So there can be some homeless people and other poor people.
And the most important thing for them is education.
If we don't know how to earn money, we can't earn money.
And those poor people don't know how to earn money and the basic knowledge that can be useful in the lives.
So I think the government has to educate those poor people so there can be no any homeless people.
(Actually, in South Korea, I've never seen those homeless people.)

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi John:) 

This is true. Knowledge is something that no one can steal from you so you need to attain it in order to survive. This can be one of the best solutions for survival. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon. 

There are a lot of advantages about Capitalism, but there are also some disadvantages.
>>There are a lot of advantages about capitalism, but there are also some disadvantages.

Capitalism is one of the fair ideas, but some people might be the poor.
>> Capitalism is one of the fair ideas in the world, but it can make some people poor. 

The problem is, those poor people are hard to get a chance to succeed.
>> The problem is that poor people can have a hard time to succeed. 

So there can be some homeless people and other poor people.
>>Resulting many homeless and poor people. 

And the most important thing for them is education.
>> The most important thing for them is education. 

If we don't know how to earn money, we can't earn money.
>> If we don't know how to earn money then we can't earn money.

And those poor people don't know how to earn money and the basic knowledge that can be useful in the lives.
>> For those poor people who don't know how to earn money, basic knowledge ca be very useful in their lives. 

So I think the government has to educate those poor people so there can be no any homeless people.
>> So I think the government has to educate those poor people so there won't be any homeless people anymore. 

(Actually, in South Korea, I've never seen those homeless people.)
>> Actually, I've never seen homeless people in South Korea. 
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