¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

you can¡¯t buy happiness\". If you were richer, do you think you would be happier?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: º¯*¿ø
2022-01-19 370

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

When I was young, in my early 20s, i struggled to earn more money at the expense of my youth time and I nothing but got stressed.
At one moment, I realized something goes wrong. I was enlightend that the more I earn money, the more greedy to have much money was followed. And the more I have (like fancy clothes, gadgets, a car and so on) the more I was concerned about them. And I knew that the less I have, the simpler my life will be.
I felt myself poor when I was student without allowance. And the poorless continued until my 20s because of my father's business failure.
So I am still hungry for money. But now I know that enough money can afford my financial affairs to be relaxed(stabled) but cannot bring happiness or contentment. On the contrary, becoming the rich makes someone nervous, unstable and dissatisfied toward life.
Even so, I wish that I could be a billionaire once in my lifetime and want to know how it feels like :))
(My definition of happiness is the time with my family whoi

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, John! ^^
Thank you for the composition.
See you in our next week! :)

~ Teacher Tricia


When I was young, in my early 20s, i struggled to earn more money at the expense of my youth time and I nothing but got stressed.
>> When I was in my early 20s, I struggled to earn more money at the expense of my youth time and I got nothing but stress.

At one moment, I realized something is wrong. 

I was enlightend that the more I earn money, the more greedy to have much money was followed. 
>> I was enlightened that the more I earn money, the more greedy to have much money was followed. 

And the more I have (like fancy clothes, gadgets, a car and so on) the more I was concerned about them. 
>> CORRECT!

And I knew that the less I have, the simpler my life will be.
>> CORRECT!

I felt myself poor when I was student without allowance. 
>> I felt poor when I was a student without allowance. 

And the poorless continued until my 20s because of my father's business failure.
>> And the brokenness continued until my 20's because my father's business was not a success.

So I am still hungry for money. 
>> CORRECT!

But now I know that enough money can afford my financial affairs to be relaxed(stabled) but cannot bring happiness or contentment. 
>> But now I know that having enough money can afford my financial affairs to be relaxed(stabled) but cannot bring happiness or contentment. 

On the contrary, becoming the rich makes someone nervous, unstable and dissatisfied toward life.
>> On the contrary, becoming rich makes someone nervous, unstable, and dissatisfied with life.

Even so, I wish that I could be a billionaire once in my lifetime and want to know how it feels like :))
>> Even so, I wish that I could be a billionaire once in my life and I want to know what it feels like. :)

(My definition of happiness is the time with my family who
>> My definition of happiness is spending time with my family.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114939 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 354
114938 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 295
114937 home work(¼÷Á¦) ÃÖ*¼Ø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 672
114936 What offers do you always refuse? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 325
114935 What game I play with my mom ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 525
114934 What is the importance of having a close relationship with your... ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 1
114933 If Korea getting together ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 589
114932 What do you think will happen if North Korea and South Korea are... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 0
114931 Koreans to go back into lockdown À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 1
114930 What do you enjoy about family reunions? ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 498
114929 What is the difference between complaining and nagging? ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 0
114928 Try and Choose ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 584
114927 dESIGN apen for a panda À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 3
114926 Home work ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 697
114925 Do you think that beautiful people are more successful in life? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 3
114924 Use the verb study to make sentences in different verb tenses. ¼º*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 407
114923 What kind of traditional food or beverage do Koreans usually... ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-22 488
114922 How are you going to lose weight? ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 2
114921 Homework ³²*¸¸ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 265
114920 Why is doing volunteer work important? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 272

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04