¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think that having a lot of money can make you happy? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2022-01-19 610

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, money is just a tool that can make us happy a little.
We can do many things with money such as buying some stuff, and staying in a cozy house.
We can feel happiness because we are in a comfortable situation when we have a lot of money.
But, exactly, money doesn't make us happy.
We just feel happiness when we are enjoying something that make us comfortable.
Money doesn't make us comfortable, instead, we can feel comfortable by money.
So I think money is just a key that we can be happy and comfortable.
But there are many exceptions so we shouldn't be crazy to money.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John :) 

That's true. Money is a big aspect in our lives but it is not the only thing that keeps us alive. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

In my opinion, money is just a tool that can make us happy a little.
>> In my opinion, money is just a tool that can make us happy for a little bit. 

We can do many things with money such as buying some stuff, and staying in a cozy house.
>> We can do many things with money such as buying some stuff, and affording to stay at a cozy house. 

We can feel happiness because we are in a comfortable situation when we have a lot of money.
>> CORRECT

But, exactly, money doesn't make us happy.
>> But money alone can't make us happy. 

We just feel happiness when we are enjoying something that make us comfortable.
>> CORRECT

Money doesn't make us comfortable, instead, we can feel comfortable by money.
>> Money doesn't make us comfortable, instead, we can feel comfortable because of money.

So I think money is just a key that we can be happy and comfortable.
>> So I think money is just a key so that we can be happy and comfortable. 

But there are many exceptions so we shouldn't be crazy to money.
>> Still, there are many exceptions so we should be too crazy about money. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115640 Do you like dining at famous restaurants with long queues? Why... Á¤*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 193
115639 Homework(1/14) ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 1
115638 Homework (1/13) ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 1
115637 . ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 806
115636 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 432
115635 > What was the latest movie you\'ve seen? What do you think of... ÇÑ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 191
115634 What is one of the most exciting jobs you can think of? ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 202
115633 good morning! °­*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 734
115632 Homework ±è*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 450
115631 Do you usually eat healthy food? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 1
115630 A letter (Jan 16th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 227
115629 How is our accent affected by our birthplace? ¾ö*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 378
115628 homework ¹Ú*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 627
115627 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 340
115626 Why I like watching more than reading. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-01-16 639
115625 If you could travel back in time, where would you go? ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-16 831
115624 Are simple joys as valuable as complex experiences? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-16 243
115623 If you could stop a bad habit that you have, what would you stop? Àå*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-16 503
115622 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-16 470
115621 How do you think can we encourage people to take the COVID-19... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-01-16 315

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04