¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think that having a lot of money can make you happy? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2022-01-19 754

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, money is just a tool that can make us happy a little.
We can do many things with money such as buying some stuff, and staying in a cozy house.
We can feel happiness because we are in a comfortable situation when we have a lot of money.
But, exactly, money doesn't make us happy.
We just feel happiness when we are enjoying something that make us comfortable.
Money doesn't make us comfortable, instead, we can feel comfortable by money.
So I think money is just a key that we can be happy and comfortable.
But there are many exceptions so we shouldn't be crazy to money.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John :) 

That's true. Money is a big aspect in our lives but it is not the only thing that keeps us alive. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

In my opinion, money is just a tool that can make us happy a little.
>> In my opinion, money is just a tool that can make us happy for a little bit. 

We can do many things with money such as buying some stuff, and staying in a cozy house.
>> We can do many things with money such as buying some stuff, and affording to stay at a cozy house. 

We can feel happiness because we are in a comfortable situation when we have a lot of money.
>> CORRECT

But, exactly, money doesn't make us happy.
>> But money alone can't make us happy. 

We just feel happiness when we are enjoying something that make us comfortable.
>> CORRECT

Money doesn't make us comfortable, instead, we can feel comfortable by money.
>> Money doesn't make us comfortable, instead, we can feel comfortable because of money.

So I think money is just a key that we can be happy and comfortable.
>> So I think money is just a key so that we can be happy and comfortable. 

But there are many exceptions so we shouldn't be crazy to money.
>> Still, there are many exceptions so we should be too crazy about money. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116190 What are you going to do tomorrow? / Why are you going to do... ÁÖ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-02-08 801
116189 3 out of 10 women in Seoul say they are willing to have children... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-08 1
116188 do you want to be famous? ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-08 619
116187 If you can move to another country, which one would you pick and... Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-02-08 722
116186 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-08 581
116185 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-08 1072
116184 What do you think about (not) having hobbies? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-08 1087
116183 Should voting be compulsory? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-08 0
116182 How do you think other people see you when you make a mistake? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-08 0
116181 Has a mistake ever made you think deeply about a problem? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-08 0
116180 Appointment ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-08 2
116179 write about your earthquake preparation, and the reasons for it. À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-08 2
116178 homework ÇÏ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-08 844
116177 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-08 10
116176 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-08 882
116175 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-08 1
116174 Do you think there will be more or less crime in the future?... ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-08 345
116173 Claire\'s Homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-08 653
116172 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-02-08 4
116171 What is the best lesson you have learned from one of your... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-08 587

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04