¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think is the most important thing to make a happy family?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*À±
2022-01-20 1312

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

It is a common belif that keeping close between family members causes good family relations. However, there is a more pursuasive argument that we should keep our distance properly from our family. This is because we need the peronal time and keeping too close between family members interrupt our privacy. although we are a family, we should respect individual's opnion. In fact, In korea, there are few parents who respect their young children's opnion. Sometimes, they even force their chcildren to act that they want. So, I think that we, koreans, need to change our mind. To sum up, the most important thing to make a happy family is recognizing everyone's idea because we have the right to act freely without pressure. If we consider all family member's thoughts, they feel grateful each other and they will certainly become a happy family

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good evening Kevin!
Your family is the reason why you are here on Earth.  Treasure them and make them proud.  Show them how you love them too.  Remember to place punctuation marks at the end of your sentences and check your spellings as well.  ^^

~T. Maine

It is a common belif that keeping close between family members causes good family relations. 
>>It is a common belief that keeping close to family members leads to good relationships. 
However, there is a more pursuasive argument that we should keep our distance properly from our family. 
>>However, there is a more persuasive argument that tells us to keep our distance properly from family members. 
This is because we need the peronal time and keeping too close between family members interrupt our privacy. 
>>This is because we also need our personal time and keeping too close to them may interrupt our privacy. 
although we are a family, we should respect individual's opnion. 
>>Although we are a family, we should still respect an individual's opinion. 
In fact, In korea, there are few parents who respect their young children's opnion. 
>>In fact in Korea, there are few parents who respect their children's opinions. 
Sometimes, they even force their chcildren to act that they want. 
>>Sometimes, they even force their children to do what they want instead of giving them freedom. 
So, I think that we, koreans, need to change our mind. 
>>So, I think we, Koreans, need to change our minds. 
To sum up, the most important thing to make a happy family is recognizing everyone's idea because we have the right to act freely without pressure. 
>>To sum up, the most important thing to make a happy family is recognizing everyone's ideas because we have the right to act freely without any pressure from parents. 
If we consider all family member's thoughts, they feel grateful each other and they will certainly become a happy family
>>If we consider all family members' thoughts, they feel grateful for each other and they will certainly become a happy family. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117258 What is your reaction now that Yoon Seok-youl is the new... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 924
117257 What is your reaction now that Yoon Seok-youl is the new... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 0
117256 I don\'t have any trust to him... ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 1041
117255 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 1091
117254 words ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 721
117253 If we don\'t have a social media app at all. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 518
117252 Friday homeowrk ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 538
117251 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 580
117250 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 7
117249 Are you willing to die for your country? Share your ideas in a... ³ë*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 1
117248 What is your reaction now that Yoon Seok-youl is the new... ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 943
117247 lesson 12 ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 1345
117246 If you could receive one thing in the whole world as a present... ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 1705
117245 Russia\'s new bond rules pile pressure on Korean firms À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 0
117244 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 1318
117243 What is your reaction now that Yoon Seok-youl is the new... º¯*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 595
117242 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 1
117241 Homework ÀÓ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 892
117240 I would appreciate it if you could review the sentence below. ½Å*±³ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 1043
117239 2022.3.10 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 1012

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04