¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think is the most important thing to make a happy family?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*À±
2022-01-20 1002

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

It is a common belif that keeping close between family members causes good family relations. However, there is a more pursuasive argument that we should keep our distance properly from our family. This is because we need the peronal time and keeping too close between family members interrupt our privacy. although we are a family, we should respect individual's opnion. In fact, In korea, there are few parents who respect their young children's opnion. Sometimes, they even force their chcildren to act that they want. So, I think that we, koreans, need to change our mind. To sum up, the most important thing to make a happy family is recognizing everyone's idea because we have the right to act freely without pressure. If we consider all family member's thoughts, they feel grateful each other and they will certainly become a happy family

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good evening Kevin!
Your family is the reason why you are here on Earth.  Treasure them and make them proud.  Show them how you love them too.  Remember to place punctuation marks at the end of your sentences and check your spellings as well.  ^^

~T. Maine

It is a common belif that keeping close between family members causes good family relations. 
>>It is a common belief that keeping close to family members leads to good relationships. 
However, there is a more pursuasive argument that we should keep our distance properly from our family. 
>>However, there is a more persuasive argument that tells us to keep our distance properly from family members. 
This is because we need the peronal time and keeping too close between family members interrupt our privacy. 
>>This is because we also need our personal time and keeping too close to them may interrupt our privacy. 
although we are a family, we should respect individual's opnion. 
>>Although we are a family, we should still respect an individual's opinion. 
In fact, In korea, there are few parents who respect their young children's opnion. 
>>In fact in Korea, there are few parents who respect their children's opinions. 
Sometimes, they even force their chcildren to act that they want. 
>>Sometimes, they even force their children to do what they want instead of giving them freedom. 
So, I think that we, koreans, need to change our mind. 
>>So, I think we, Koreans, need to change our minds. 
To sum up, the most important thing to make a happy family is recognizing everyone's idea because we have the right to act freely without pressure. 
>>To sum up, the most important thing to make a happy family is recognizing everyone's ideas because we have the right to act freely without any pressure from parents. 
If we consider all family member's thoughts, they feel grateful each other and they will certainly become a happy family
>>If we consider all family members' thoughts, they feel grateful for each other and they will certainly become a happy family. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115518 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 2
115517 Wednesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 172
115516 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 370
115515 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 431
115514 Government¡¯s Help ÃÖ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 126
115513 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 1
115512 Do you think learning how to play an instrument is important?... ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 2
115511 homework ±è*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 1
115510 Essay(Jan 12th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 134
115509 What did you do last weekend? What will you do this weekend? Do... Á¤*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 4
115508 What are popular things people enjoy doing in your country... Á¤*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 163
115507 Do men typically drink more than women in your country? Why do... ÃÖ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 465
115506 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 332
115505 Make a sentence using the given -ing words. ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 139
115504 How necessary is it to ask for permission? ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 231
115503 Have a nice day! °­*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 248
115502 What can you do to avoid getting sick? ÇÑ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 570
115501 What\'s your favorite holiday food? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 1
115500 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 3
115499 How often do you go shopping? What are the items you normally... ¹®*Çý ¿Ï·á 2022-01-12 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04