¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think is the most important thing to make a happy family?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*À±
2022-01-20 1011

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

It is a common belif that keeping close between family members causes good family relations. However, there is a more pursuasive argument that we should keep our distance properly from our family. This is because we need the peronal time and keeping too close between family members interrupt our privacy. although we are a family, we should respect individual's opnion. In fact, In korea, there are few parents who respect their young children's opnion. Sometimes, they even force their chcildren to act that they want. So, I think that we, koreans, need to change our mind. To sum up, the most important thing to make a happy family is recognizing everyone's idea because we have the right to act freely without pressure. If we consider all family member's thoughts, they feel grateful each other and they will certainly become a happy family

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good evening Kevin!
Your family is the reason why you are here on Earth.  Treasure them and make them proud.  Show them how you love them too.  Remember to place punctuation marks at the end of your sentences and check your spellings as well.  ^^

~T. Maine

It is a common belif that keeping close between family members causes good family relations. 
>>It is a common belief that keeping close to family members leads to good relationships. 
However, there is a more pursuasive argument that we should keep our distance properly from our family. 
>>However, there is a more persuasive argument that tells us to keep our distance properly from family members. 
This is because we need the peronal time and keeping too close between family members interrupt our privacy. 
>>This is because we also need our personal time and keeping too close to them may interrupt our privacy. 
although we are a family, we should respect individual's opnion. 
>>Although we are a family, we should still respect an individual's opinion. 
In fact, In korea, there are few parents who respect their young children's opnion. 
>>In fact in Korea, there are few parents who respect their children's opinions. 
Sometimes, they even force their chcildren to act that they want. 
>>Sometimes, they even force their children to do what they want instead of giving them freedom. 
So, I think that we, koreans, need to change our mind. 
>>So, I think we, Koreans, need to change our minds. 
To sum up, the most important thing to make a happy family is recognizing everyone's idea because we have the right to act freely without pressure. 
>>To sum up, the most important thing to make a happy family is recognizing everyone's ideas because we have the right to act freely without any pressure from parents. 
If we consider all family member's thoughts, they feel grateful each other and they will certainly become a happy family
>>If we consider all family members' thoughts, they feel grateful for each other and they will certainly become a happy family. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115363 Friday homeowrk ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 686
115362 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 2
115361 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 2
115360 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 91
115359 Yunnori ÃÖ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 416
115358 What is your favorite place in your city and why? ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 2
115357 How do you try to spice up your weekend? Á¤*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 678
115356 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 1
115355 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 679
115354 ESSAY: Many jobs require ongoing training and research to stay... ÃÖ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 508
115353 Make 5 sentences using your and 5 sentences using you\'re. Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 276
115352 What greetings annoy you? Á¤*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 786
115351 Tell me about your favorite food. ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 612
115350 What do you consider about a place/apartment/accommodation to... ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 335
115349 Vaccine pass enforcement at cram schools, study rooms suspended À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 1
115348 Koreans drawn to unhealthy bread À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 1
115347 Celltrion\'s COVID-19 candidate treatment shows safety in... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 1
115346 the court ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 919
115345 What job do you think most kids your age want to be? ÇÑ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 161
115344 writing3 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-07 708

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04