¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

We have to protect animals because of ecosystem

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2022-01-21 543

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

We have to know first what animals do for us. Frankly, like lion or panda, they don't help us directly. However, even mosquitoes they are vital animals for ecosystem. If there are not mosquitoes, in the case of dragonflies that eat harmful insects for us, the prays for them will decrease a lot. So if some animals are extinct, there will be bad effects to ecosystem. It says we have to protect them not to be extinct. We can avoid this bad situation as protecting the animals not to be endangered. The best way to protect them is prohibiting the poaching. The reason of being extinct is poaching. So we can punish poaching people by imposing finance to them. In conclusion, we have to protect animals because of ecosystem, and the best way is imposing finance to poacher.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Daniel!   The overall content of your work is comprehensible. Thank you for an impressive work. 


- Teacher Debbie

We have to know first what animals do for us.

>> This is a good sentence.


Frankly, like lion or panda, they don't help us directly.
>> Frankly, animals, like lions or pandas, don't help us directly.

However, even mosquitoes they are vital animals for ecosystem.
>> However, they are vital for the ecosystem, even mosquitoes.

If there are not mosquitoes, in the case of dragonflies that eat harmful insects for us, the prays for them will decrease a lot.
>> Dragonflies eat harmful insects like mosquitoes. If there were no mosquitoes, their prey would decrease in number.

So if some animals are extinct, there will be bad effects to ecosystem.
>> If some animals become extinct, there will be bad effects on the ecosystem.

It says we have to protect them not to be extinct.
>> We have to protect them so they will not vanish.

 We can avoid this bad situation as protecting the animals not to be endangered.
>> No need to write this. It's the same as the sentence before it.

The best way to protect them is prohibiting the poaching.
>> T
he best way to protect them is to prohibit poaching.

The reason of being extinct is poaching.
>> It is the reason for extinction.

So we can punish poaching people by imposing finance to them.
>> We can punish poachers by imposing fines.

 In conclusion, we have to protect animals because of ecosystem, and the best way is imposing finance to poacher.
>>  In conclusion, we have to protect animals for the ecosystem, and the best way to do that is to impose fines on poachers.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115082 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 482
115081 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 1487
115080 Homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 0
115079 What would you do with a magic wand if you had one? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 2
115078 Which greeting kind of annoys you? ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 563
115077 Do you think that Christmas should be an important holiday in... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 243
115076 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 5627
115075 cooking ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 501
115074 Many people today do not feel safe either at home or when they... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 1864
115073 What\'s your comfort food? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 654
115072 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 1
115071 the most interesting city in my country ¿ì*¿í ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 4
115070 Thousands of bank jobs lost to digitalization À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 1
115069 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 2
115068 rights ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 595
115067 Do you think that Christmas should be an important holiday in... Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 1680
115066 Do we have to support strong friends? ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 332
115065 HOMEWORK: Describe the best holiday ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 546
115064 What animal best represents you? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 297
115063 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 322

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04