¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

We have to protect animals because of ecosystem

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2022-01-21 573

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

We have to know first what animals do for us. Frankly, like lion or panda, they don't help us directly. However, even mosquitoes they are vital animals for ecosystem. If there are not mosquitoes, in the case of dragonflies that eat harmful insects for us, the prays for them will decrease a lot. So if some animals are extinct, there will be bad effects to ecosystem. It says we have to protect them not to be extinct. We can avoid this bad situation as protecting the animals not to be endangered. The best way to protect them is prohibiting the poaching. The reason of being extinct is poaching. So we can punish poaching people by imposing finance to them. In conclusion, we have to protect animals because of ecosystem, and the best way is imposing finance to poacher.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Daniel!   The overall content of your work is comprehensible. Thank you for an impressive work. 


- Teacher Debbie

We have to know first what animals do for us.

>> This is a good sentence.


Frankly, like lion or panda, they don't help us directly.
>> Frankly, animals, like lions or pandas, don't help us directly.

However, even mosquitoes they are vital animals for ecosystem.
>> However, they are vital for the ecosystem, even mosquitoes.

If there are not mosquitoes, in the case of dragonflies that eat harmful insects for us, the prays for them will decrease a lot.
>> Dragonflies eat harmful insects like mosquitoes. If there were no mosquitoes, their prey would decrease in number.

So if some animals are extinct, there will be bad effects to ecosystem.
>> If some animals become extinct, there will be bad effects on the ecosystem.

It says we have to protect them not to be extinct.
>> We have to protect them so they will not vanish.

 We can avoid this bad situation as protecting the animals not to be endangered.
>> No need to write this. It's the same as the sentence before it.

The best way to protect them is prohibiting the poaching.
>> T
he best way to protect them is to prohibit poaching.

The reason of being extinct is poaching.
>> It is the reason for extinction.

So we can punish poaching people by imposing finance to them.
>> We can punish poachers by imposing fines.

 In conclusion, we have to protect animals because of ecosystem, and the best way is imposing finance to poacher.
>>  In conclusion, we have to protect animals for the ecosystem, and the best way to do that is to impose fines on poachers.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114801 Write about your greatest achievement. ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-17 369
114800 If you could change one thing about your current house to make... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-17 282
114799 video conference ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-17 338
114798 Do you choose your friends? Why or why not? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-17 0
114797 what are the things you need to prepare for a trip? À±*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-17 2
114796 what I do when I have a stomachache ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 275
114795 What is your biggest regret in your life and why? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 0
114794 Are you good at giving advice? Answer in a few sentences. ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 314
114793 What will be your New Year\'s Resolution this coming new year? ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 883
114792 What is your favorite physical characteristic? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 0
114791 My dream vacation ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 351
114790 How will you organize all that you need to do before Dec.17? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 0
114789 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 366
114788 Kids don\'t have to go to malls, how to compose(1) ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 414
114787 My countryside is.... ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 436
114786 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 0
114785 What was the last thing you did that made you feel so much... ¼º*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 1119
114784 What will be your New Year\'s Resolution this coming new year? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 495
114783 My sport ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 2
114782 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 720

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04