¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

We have to protect animals because of ecosystem

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2022-01-21 619

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

We have to know first what animals do for us. Frankly, like lion or panda, they don't help us directly. However, even mosquitoes they are vital animals for ecosystem. If there are not mosquitoes, in the case of dragonflies that eat harmful insects for us, the prays for them will decrease a lot. So if some animals are extinct, there will be bad effects to ecosystem. It says we have to protect them not to be extinct. We can avoid this bad situation as protecting the animals not to be endangered. The best way to protect them is prohibiting the poaching. The reason of being extinct is poaching. So we can punish poaching people by imposing finance to them. In conclusion, we have to protect animals because of ecosystem, and the best way is imposing finance to poacher.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Daniel!   The overall content of your work is comprehensible. Thank you for an impressive work. 


- Teacher Debbie

We have to know first what animals do for us.

>> This is a good sentence.


Frankly, like lion or panda, they don't help us directly.
>> Frankly, animals, like lions or pandas, don't help us directly.

However, even mosquitoes they are vital animals for ecosystem.
>> However, they are vital for the ecosystem, even mosquitoes.

If there are not mosquitoes, in the case of dragonflies that eat harmful insects for us, the prays for them will decrease a lot.
>> Dragonflies eat harmful insects like mosquitoes. If there were no mosquitoes, their prey would decrease in number.

So if some animals are extinct, there will be bad effects to ecosystem.
>> If some animals become extinct, there will be bad effects on the ecosystem.

It says we have to protect them not to be extinct.
>> We have to protect them so they will not vanish.

 We can avoid this bad situation as protecting the animals not to be endangered.
>> No need to write this. It's the same as the sentence before it.

The best way to protect them is prohibiting the poaching.
>> T
he best way to protect them is to prohibit poaching.

The reason of being extinct is poaching.
>> It is the reason for extinction.

So we can punish poaching people by imposing finance to them.
>> We can punish poachers by imposing fines.

 In conclusion, we have to protect animals because of ecosystem, and the best way is imposing finance to poacher.
>>  In conclusion, we have to protect animals for the ecosystem, and the best way to do that is to impose fines on poachers.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114504 12/3 , 12/6 ³ë*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 806
114503 What is more important to take care of : mental health or... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 430
114502 Why do adults collect children\'s stuff like hello kitty or some... ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 398
114501 What do you like to shop for the most? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 0
114500 Sometimes:) ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 312
114499 How would you describe a healthy diet? À±*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 2
114498 12.06 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 0
114497 I like him!!! ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 453
114496 essay about\"If you could be invisible for a day what would you... ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 312
114495 I want to travel if I have a lot of money. ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 389
114494 What are the elements of a perfect vacation? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 3
114493 Who makes you laugh? ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 940
114492 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 2
114491 after 5 years. ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 364
114490 I believe god ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 661
114489 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 370
114488 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 1594
114487 What are some countries that you would never visit? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 633
114486 Do you believe in lucky charms? Why or why not? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 1
114485 Do you believe in God? Why or why not? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04