¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Who are the people you always rely on?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¾ö*ÁÖ
2022-01-24 463

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I¡¯m not used to relying on someone when I have some problems and get depressed, because I thought that¡¯s mature attitude.
But I realized that even though someone couldn¡¯t be actual solution, I need to rely on someone I can trust.
Because It can make life better.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Julia, Thank you for this, you were able to express your thoughts, arguments, and ideas clearly and effectively. Keep expressing yourself because it will lead you to fluency in the English language. Take care!
Aki~
I¡¯m not used to relying on someone when I have some problems and get depressed, because I thought that¡¯s mature attitude.
>>> I¡¯m not used to relying on someone when I have some problems and get depressed because I thought that¡¯s a mature attitude.
>>>  I¡¯m not used to relying on someone when I have some problems and get depressed because I thought that¡¯s an attitude if a matured person.
But I realized that even though someone couldn¡¯t be actual solution, I need to rely on someone I can trust.
>>>  But I realized that even though someone couldn¡¯t be the actual solution, I need to rely on someone whom I can trust.
Because It can make life better.
>>> Correct
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116598 Philip Morris Korea\'s new parental leave policy respects all... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 1
116597 I love my books. ±è*Å ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 1
116596 Writing Task(Feb 18th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 361
116595 Writing Task(Feb 17th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 618
116594 Writing Task(Feb 16th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 527
116593 Writing Task(Feb 14th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 535
116592 What do you think is the best invention ever and why? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 1006
116591 Do you think that children these days have a better or worse... ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 1
116590 Hello! Ȳ*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 535
116589 2/18 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 1312
116588 32.33.34 ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 865
116587 I\'m going to school soon. ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 596
116586 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 1289
116585 HOMEWORK ¹è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 791
116584 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 0
116583 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 0
116582 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 0
116581 Who is your favorite Winter Olympics player and why? answer in a... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 911
116580 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 1
116579 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04