¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

It\'s nonsense

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Àº
2022-01-25 497

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think it's nonsense.
Age is not important to right thinking.
The world is wide and there are so many crazy people.
Every people they does mistake and hurts somebody.
There's no guarantee that older person won't make a mistake.
And I saw very many time older than me but wierd person.
I like just normal and nicely person :)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Ann:)

That's true. Every person makes mistakes. Humans are not perfect regardless is you are  older or younger so we have to respect each other equally. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

I think it's nonsense.
> CORRECT

Age is not important to right thinking.
>> Age does not define that you are always right. 

The world is wide and there are so many crazy people.
>> The world is big and there are so many crazy people.

Every people they does mistake and hurts somebody.
>> Every person makes mistakes and hurt other people. 

There's no guarantee that older person won't make a mistake.
>> There's no guarantee that older people don't make mistakes. 

And I saw very many time older than me but wierd person.
>> I've seen older people make more mistakes than me. 

I like just normal and nicely person :)
>> I just act normal and nice when that happens. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115728 If life is a highway, what mode of transportation are you using? ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 1129
115727 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 2
115726 Nowadays, a lot of offices employ open-space designs instead of... ÃÖ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 236
115725 Wednesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 190
115724 Do you think that having a lot of money can make you happy? Why... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 586
115723 Do you think that having a lot of money can make you happy? Why... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 0
115722 In many cultures, women cook more often than men. Why is this? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 410
115721 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 189
115720 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 194
115719 What does a holiday mean to you? ¹®*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 395
115718 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 1
115717 Homework. ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 0
115716 Can goals help to change your life? How? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 307
115715 you can¡¯t buy happiness\". If you were richer, do you think you... º¯*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 195
115714 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 1
115713 Homework (1/18) ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 2
115712 What do you think are the characteristics of a good leader? Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 162
115711 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 526
115710 More young Koreans hire housekeepers À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 0
115709 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-19 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04