¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

It\'s nonsense

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Àº
2022-01-25 693

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think it's nonsense.
Age is not important to right thinking.
The world is wide and there are so many crazy people.
Every people they does mistake and hurts somebody.
There's no guarantee that older person won't make a mistake.
And I saw very many time older than me but wierd person.
I like just normal and nicely person :)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Ann:)

That's true. Every person makes mistakes. Humans are not perfect regardless is you are  older or younger so we have to respect each other equally. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

I think it's nonsense.
> CORRECT

Age is not important to right thinking.
>> Age does not define that you are always right. 

The world is wide and there are so many crazy people.
>> The world is big and there are so many crazy people.

Every people they does mistake and hurts somebody.
>> Every person makes mistakes and hurt other people. 

There's no guarantee that older person won't make a mistake.
>> There's no guarantee that older people don't make mistakes. 

And I saw very many time older than me but wierd person.
>> I've seen older people make more mistakes than me. 

I like just normal and nicely person :)
>> I just act normal and nice when that happens. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115070 Thousands of bank jobs lost to digitalization À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 1
115069 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 2
115068 rights ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 604
115067 Do you think that Christmas should be an important holiday in... Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 1681
115066 Do we have to support strong friends? ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 336
115065 HOMEWORK: Describe the best holiday ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 548
115064 What animal best represents you? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 300
115063 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 323
115062 What job would you never want to try? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 1
115061 What is your favorite time of the year? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 0
115060 My thinking ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 2
115059 How did you plan your time with your parents? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 0
115058 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 1
115057 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 589
115056 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 0
115055 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 483
115054 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 848
115053 Homework ÀÌ*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 1
115052 I will expect!!! ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 407
115051 What are you most grateful for this Christmas and why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 487

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04