¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Because of people\'s greed

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2022-01-25 340

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Rhinos became endangered because of too much poaching. People poached them because of their ivory, and leather. In the past, rhino's ivory was used as very good medicine. Because of this reason, people poached a lot of rhinos. Since people wanted to get ivory with saving them, people only cut rhino's ivory. But if there are not ivory to rhino, then it is same disappearing rhino's weapon, so it was still bad way to save rhino. In addition, recently rhino is hunted because people can make narcotic with it. Then how can we save them? The way is only one. We have to tell that poaching rhino have to be stopped. However, people don't do that small behavior. I think people and I have to change their mind, that 'Other people will do.'

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Daniel! Thank you for an impressive work. You did some research. Excellent! Keep up the good job! 

- Teacher Debbie

Rhinos became endangered because of too much poaching.
>> This is a good sentence.

 People poached them because of their ivory, and leather. 
>>  People poached them because of their ivory and leather. 

In the past, rhino's ivory was used as very good medicine.
>> In the past, a rhino's ivory was used as medicine.

 Because of this reason, people poached a lot of rhinos. 
>> Because of this, people poached a lot of rhinos.

Since people wanted to get ivory with saving them, people only cut rhino's ivory. 
>> Since people only wanted to get the ivory, they just cut them from the rhinos. 

But if there are not ivory to rhino, then it is same disappearing rhino's weapon, so it was still bad way to save rhino. 
>> However, without their ivory, rhinos don't have weapons to protect themselves. 

In addition, recently rhino is hunted because people can make narcotic with it. 
>> In addition, rhinos are hunted because people can make narcotics with them.

Then how can we save them? 
>>  This is a good sentence.

The way is only one. 
>> There is only one way.

We have to tell that poaching rhino have to be stopped. 
>> We have to tell people that poaching rhinos has to stop. 

However, people don't do that small behavior. 
>> However, people don't do this.

I think people and I have to change their mind, that 'Other people will do.'
>> What do you mean?
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117813 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-29 0
117812 What type of work environment do you prefer? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-29 941
117811 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-03-29 890
117810 What do you think is the best TV show and why? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-29 2
117809 What is your favorite holiday in your country? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-03-29 723
117808 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-29 361
117807 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-29 2
117806 I think we¡¯d better not borrow money ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-29 1174
117805 What fun activities do you do in spring? ÀÌ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-29 1
117804 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-29 2
117803 coffee ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-29 560
117802 Homework ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-29 1
117801 2022.3.28 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-03-29 620
117800 Would you leave a tip even if you thought the waiter or waitress... ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-29 1
117799 What are the advantages of learning a foreign language? ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-03-29 508
117798 Homework ½Å*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-29 0
117797 What are the possible benefits of working on weekends? ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-03-29 350
117796 What is the worst vice for you? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-03-29 1
117795 If you can listen to one song every day, what would it be and... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-03-29 680
117794 Why don¡¯t all mothers feed their babies on breast milk? Isn¡¯t... ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-29 352

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04