¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Because of people\'s greed

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2022-01-25 316

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Rhinos became endangered because of too much poaching. People poached them because of their ivory, and leather. In the past, rhino's ivory was used as very good medicine. Because of this reason, people poached a lot of rhinos. Since people wanted to get ivory with saving them, people only cut rhino's ivory. But if there are not ivory to rhino, then it is same disappearing rhino's weapon, so it was still bad way to save rhino. In addition, recently rhino is hunted because people can make narcotic with it. Then how can we save them? The way is only one. We have to tell that poaching rhino have to be stopped. However, people don't do that small behavior. I think people and I have to change their mind, that 'Other people will do.'

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Daniel! Thank you for an impressive work. You did some research. Excellent! Keep up the good job! 

- Teacher Debbie

Rhinos became endangered because of too much poaching.
>> This is a good sentence.

 People poached them because of their ivory, and leather. 
>>  People poached them because of their ivory and leather. 

In the past, rhino's ivory was used as very good medicine.
>> In the past, a rhino's ivory was used as medicine.

 Because of this reason, people poached a lot of rhinos. 
>> Because of this, people poached a lot of rhinos.

Since people wanted to get ivory with saving them, people only cut rhino's ivory. 
>> Since people only wanted to get the ivory, they just cut them from the rhinos. 

But if there are not ivory to rhino, then it is same disappearing rhino's weapon, so it was still bad way to save rhino. 
>> However, without their ivory, rhinos don't have weapons to protect themselves. 

In addition, recently rhino is hunted because people can make narcotic with it. 
>> In addition, rhinos are hunted because people can make narcotics with them.

Then how can we save them? 
>>  This is a good sentence.

The way is only one. 
>> There is only one way.

We have to tell that poaching rhino have to be stopped. 
>> We have to tell people that poaching rhinos has to stop. 

However, people don't do that small behavior. 
>> However, people don't do this.

I think people and I have to change their mind, that 'Other people will do.'
>> What do you mean?
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117569 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 550
117568 HOMEWORK ¹è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 1284
117567 HOMEWORK ¹è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 977
117566 Do you believe that dreams can sometimes predict the future? Why... ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 876
117565 What keeps you awake at night sometimes? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 923
117564 Writing correction ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 0
117563 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 1
117562 writing ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 0
117561 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 0
117560 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 0
117559 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 1
117558 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 917
117557 If you can learn another language, what would it be and why? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 0
117556 Do you want to change something in your appearance? Why or why... ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 631
117555 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 1
117554 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 557
117553 My grandchild ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 0
117552 For you, what language is difficult to learn? Why? ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 1100
117551 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 680
117550 About captive animals. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-03-21 670

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04