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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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Essay (Jan 25th,2022)

작성자: 남*승
2022-01-26 536

회원님의 영작문

Nowadays, in addition to reading and studying about the investments, I broadened my horizen to running a business about which I have no idea at all, but that won’t be a matter. I read about starting a company and about learning English, too. If I have a strong willingness, a passion, there always will be a path to the goal. The business is about founding an Education Company, giving the children in need opportunities to learn English first. In korea, English is, usually, at some point, the measurement for success. If a child were good at English, the child would have a higher self-esteem and more opportunities to getting a higher education that leads to a better job. I have always had a pity for those children who grows in poverty.
Why am I learning English? First, to found a education company, I should hire a number of English experts. So, I have to know about the language to some extend. Second, I like learning English very much! It’s like catching two birds with one stone.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi, U Seung!

I'm pretty amazed with the kind of mindset you have. I do support that plan and goal of yours. Hopefully, you can establish your own business in the future that can help a lot of kids. You are going to bless because of your kindness. Keep it up! 

Thank you for sharing and have a great day! 

~T. Roanne ^_^
==============================================
Nowadays, in addition to reading and studying about the investments, I broadened my horizen to running a business about which I have no idea at all, but that won’t be a matter. 
>> Nowadays, in addition to reading and studying about the investments, I broadened my horizon to running a business about which I have no idea at all, but that won’t be a matter. 
I read about starting a company and about learning English, too. 
>> Correct! 
If I have a strong willingness, a passion, there always will be a path to the goal. 
>> If I have a strong willingness and a passion, there's always will be a path to the goal. 
The business is about founding an Education Company, giving the children in need opportunities to learn English first. 
>> Correct! 
In korea, English is, usually, at some point, the measurement for success. 
>> In Korea, English is, usually, at some point, the measurement for success. 
If a child were good at English, the child would have a higher self-esteem and more opportunities to getting a higher education that leads to a better job. 
>> If a child were good at English, the child would have a higher self-esteem and more opportunities for getting a higher education that leads to a better job. 
I have always had a pity for those children who grows in poverty.
>> Correct! 
Why am I learning English? First, to found a education company, I should hire a number of English experts. 
>> Why am I learning English? First, founding an education company, I should hire a number of English experts. 
So, I have to know about the language to some extend. 
>> Correct! 
Second, I like learning English very much! It’s like catching two birds with one stone.
>> Correct! 
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