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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

ielts task 1

작성자: 송*빈
2022-01-28 760

회원님의 영작문



The bar graph gives information anout the British proportion of choice in four distinct accomodation when they spend time on holiday in 4 countries.
It is clear that percentage of hotel chosen is the most popular facilities that they want to stay.Itis also worth pointing out that caravan and camping continued to change order in the graph.Looking at the grapgh more closely,Hotel accounted the biggiest proportion in four countries at about 53 in England,followed by self-catering.In fact, the figure of the hotel is more than 6 times as big as that for caravan.Altough there are difference belong 4 countries at about 53 to 43, it accupied top of the graph in all countries.When it comes to self-catering,it is the second way that people prefer at about 20 to 30 in4 differentcountries.However, the proporion showed different figure at about 11 compared to other countries.As far as caravan and camping are concerned,two accomodation remaind similar percentage in many countries.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Su Bin!
I wish you can practice well during the vacation.
The test is coming soon.
I believe in you so much.
Let's make this work.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
The bar graph gives information anout the British proportion of choice in four distinct accomodation when they spend time on holiday in 4 countries.
>> The bar graph gives information about the proportion of the choice of British people in four distinct accommodations during holidays in 4 countries.
It is clear that percentage of hotel chosen is the most popular facilities that they want to stay.
>> It is clear that the percentage of hotel being chosen is the highest and shows the popularity of the facility British people want to stay in. 
Itis also worth pointing out that caravan and camping continued to change order in the graph.
>> Correct
Looking at the grapgh more closely, Hotel accounted the biggiest proportion in four countries at about 53 in England,followed by self-catering.
>> Looking at the graph more closely, hotel accounted for the biggest proportion in four countries at about 53 in England, followed by self-catering.
In fact, the figure of the hotel is more than 6 times as big as that for caravan.
>> In fact, the figure of the hotel is more than 6 times as big as that of caravan.
Altough there are difference belong 4 countries at about 53 to 43, it accupied top of the graph in all countries.
>> Although there are differences among 4 countries at about 53 to 43, it occupied the top of the graph in all countries.
When it comes to self-catering,it is the second way that people prefer at about 20 to 30 in4 differentcountries.
>> When it comes to self-catering, it is the second way that people prefer at about 20 to 30 in 4 different countries.
However, the proporion showed different figure at about 11 compared to other countries.
>> However, the proportion showed different figures at about 11 compared to other countries.
As far as caravan and camping are concerned,two accomodation remaind similar percentage in many countries.
>> As far as caravan and camping are concerned, two accommodations remained at a similar percentage in many countries.
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